It just turned my birthday and I know that tonight is the night. Is anybody in the Tampa Bay Area?
Surprisingly the Seattle football team is putting me in good spirits. Knowing everyone there is having such a wonderful time cheering with friends and family distracts my mind from the darker ideas. I’m not sad tonight. Which is a good thing. It helps to read these posts and understand how others feel and live with what goes on inside them. Thank you for this site
I just produced this video tonight using previously filmed footage I took. Enjoy.
Ive been thinking about telling my dad about my cutting. I wanna do it tonight but im scared. I dont know if I can.
“Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, “Treatment is simple. Great clown ”Pagliacci” is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says, “But doctor…I am ”Pagliacci”.”
My co-worker proposed to his stunning, sweet girlfriend tonight. On the beach. With a sparkly diamond ring. Everyone clapping and smiling. I saw her full of love, surprise, crying, and happy. “That’ll never be you” I thought to myself. Just kill me.
I met my friend’s wife. She’s a size zero with a prominent jaw line and a contagious smile. She has a presence that is quiet but powerful. She wore high heels with perfect eyebrows. “That’ll never be you” I thought to myself. Just kill me.
I saw my boss, laughing and schmoozing. She wore a long dangly silver necklace and a black tight jumpsuit that […]
Feeling more hopeful now that I have a community where I can write anonymously, and where I can help others. I don’t feel as alone anymore. I don’t think I’ll feel like a burden to others here, either.
There are people wanting to pull the trigger just like me, but I feel better now. I feel like I have a purpose now, and reading and relating to others has been surprisingly helpful. A few kind words. Thank you. I’m alive tonight. I started out doing research on the quickest, most painless ways to die, and ironically when I was ready to go, I find y’all. […]
“I am a poor, wayfaring stranger
Traveling through this world alone
And there’s no sickness, toil or danger
In that bright land to which I go”
Is it time? Is my time to head to that land finally here? I found out tonight that everyone that I thought was my friend thinks I’m a “thot.” I don’t blame them. When I broke up with the guy I was seeing here, that same night I hooked up with someone else. A few nights later, I got drunk and hooked up with someone else. Who wouldn’t think I’m a slut? I guess they’re right. The realization that everyone […]
I was prescribed Ativan for my anxiety, but wen I took it, that shit made me feel so horrible I thought I had relapsed back to day one, before admission to the hospital. So tonight since my urges to cut are bad still, and haven’t subsided at all….my mom suggested I take Xanax which has taken the place of Ativan. More then likely gonna zombify me since I took it with my Seroquel….ugh.
So, if any of you have been following any of my posts, Im going through a horrible time with losing my girls. I took over some lime skittles (almost impossible to find now and they were her favorite), a barbie for my little girl, and a card with some cash for her to use on whatever. I left them on her doorstep this morning and said in the card, “you dont need to call or text and thank me, I just want you to know I care and am thinking about you”
She sent me an email this morning that said, “I received your gifts on […]
I spoke with someone tonight about feeling suicidal. It made me feel better to know it doesn’t make me crazy. I was told to do things that distract me when I feel that way. I can see that, but again… how long do distractions last? I want the thoughts to go away. Not creep into my mind ever again. I don’t want to keep feeling this way period. Not just suicidal.
I havent drank in a while because it usually ends up very badly for me but tonight, im really needing to just zone out. As I was pulling into my driveway coming back from the liquor store, I saw a wallet in the street. It had a decent amount of cash, some gift cards etc. I could have taken it all and just tossed the wallet in the garbage but, knowing it was the right thing to do, I took it over to the guys house and gave it to him. He was very grateful as most people would be but, unlike how I used […]
I actually reached out tonight to the National Suicide Prevention chat online. I’m still on it in another window. It’s a little comforting so far. My urges to end my life aren’t so overwhelming now. Has anyone else had experience with them? I was actually kind of afraid that they would dispatch cops or someone to come take me to a hospital. It sounds absurd, but I’ve heard of it happening before.
I have been self harming for the last past four years and have been asking for help but no one wants to know so there fore tonight maybe the night I take my life I can not cope no more my life has turned upside down and need help coming back onto my feet but no one is willing to help me so y should I help myself.
Butterfly, butterfly; come to me like a ship into the heart of the storm.
You can never give up; to the death, see you in the afterlife.
Use the Phoenix-down, come to me. Press start. Seek our palace to die.
Why do you not take me away from hell. Come.
The apex, my defect. I need somebody. To the express polar.
Tonight, tonight. The moon didn’t come out.
I love the deep jazz, of the astral.
Who is to save the undead.
Melancholy, why does that sound so beautiful.
Transcendence. Alpha-death. The other to form the trinity.
I want to sing the opera with my trip-hop. […]
if I went to bed tonight and never woke back up.
how meny roads must a man walk down befor you can call him a man
my favoret song i never understould it not really but its about the vam war
but i still conect with it evrey were i look i see death
im sorry but tonight iv got to go to bed all the guys iv messaged im sorry i just cant to meny bad memoreys have come back tonigh
Entry 3
Beer beer I’m drinking beer. I’m gonna get drunk and overcome my fear.
I couldn’t afford it but that’s okay I don’t need money where I’m going anyway. Only a gold coin to pay the man so he can ferry me far away from this land.
All the bad memories and actions past, I’ll make them end very fast. The daily stresses and endless fights will surely be over after tonight. I’m done and spent I’ll tell you that. I don’t have to worry this beer will make me fat.
Goodbye mum goodbye dad I’m so sorry that I was so bad. Goodbye lover who was only […]
Hey again, second post and last post.
I feel that I’m ready although my methods sucessrate is questionable, I’m going to jump tonight but I can only access 10 meter fall to a stone fallpoint… so head first seems important. If you wonder Why I can’t do”better” about the height, here is my original post with background story, if you would wonder.
I’ve written all the letters and my requests for my funeral. But this will destroy my parents and it makes me panic… I want them to be able to continue their lives… can anyone give any tips for mental preperations without any […]
Ever had someone laugh in your face for trusting them? I never trust myself or my own judgement because my head is so fucked. Someone convinced me to give them a chance and that I was being irrational which is normally the case. Well tonight they literally laughed because I trusted their intentions and settled for less. I feel so stupid and so used and I am just trying to survive when I would rather be dead. I have prayed for death for so long and tried to kill myself several times. Why do I set myself up for heartbreak. I am not important to […]