As a depressed person, I always hear “Stay strong, God will help you.” or “God had better plans for you.” and a whole lot of other shit. Neither me nor my friends believe in God. Why would we? If God is so great, why would he let us suffer like this? Why would he let some people take their own life? Why would he put us through Hell? I’m a much firmer believer of The Devil than I am of God. If God really existed, he wouldn’t make us stop believing in him. Get your shit together! Open your eyes! God. Is. Not. Real!
I am a coward. I should have killed myself when i first thought of it. Ironically, i am terrified of self harm. I came from a broken home. My parents were both hard workers, i never really went through financial hardships…. That i could recall but i was rather young when we were poor so maybe that is why. My father is an alcoholic, he always has been. He would constantly hit my mother in front of us and would cause a scene no matter where we were. He was only violent when he was drunk. I remember being 10 when things really started going […]
I try to live myself now with no regrets but I have one from the past that I just can’t get over. I left my wife while she was 9 months pregnant and asked for a divorce. I’ve always been apart of my child’s life but I can’t get over leaving her, I never should have done it. When she’s nice to me I am on top of the world. When she’s mean or ignores me it puts me in the deepest depression. It has been over 7 years and I just can’t get over it, I try. I’ve talked to psychologist and been out […]
I’ve been fighting with this stupid depression for over a year. Now that I managed to feel better, with a lot of work and dedication, everybody around me is falling down. I got 3 friends who suddenly want to die. One of them is at the hospital right now, for it. This is weird. I don’t want to lose them. I’m probably the best person to understand them, and help, but I don’t really know how to. I don’t really know exactly what made ME feel better. Just pills, therapy and taking some risks.
This is a mad world. Really. I thought I wasn’t strong enough. […]
today my mom was yelling saying she wanted to diee & i said me too so she told me to do it & she said she was gunna go home & take pills and kill herself because she didnt want to be a mother anymore and she was done with us (brother,sister & i) …………..i called the cops on her telling them that she was making threats about killing herself am i wrong ??…. i knw shes gunna hate me even more now and never talk to me because of that. my family probably gunna stop talkking to me as well…. im always the […]
He said that he doesn’t trust me to have our baby and maybe he’s right. He think I will let something bad happen to her.
I’ve considered all of the options. All I wanted was for us to be a family. But he said I’m not good enough to have his baby or to be his family. I feel cold and numb. I have no one. He was the only person who ever loved me. I can’t live without my daughter. I can’t have an abortion. I will never be OK with that. I can’t let her live without me. She’ll think it was her fault. […]
For me, the expression “you are your own worst enemy” holds a lot of truth. It’s a painful reality that much of what limits me in my life is my own feelings of unworthiness and self-hatred.
But where do these feelings come from? How do they influence us? And how can we push past them to live a life free of the harsh attitudes of our inner critic? I will never know.
Like fleeting winds we travel, dipping across the slope of currents, lying suspended in the grasp of ebbing free fall, sucked into the satisfying regression of ephemeral flight. Your essence is wrapped around me, coating my spirit in the intensity of all your aggregated passion. We bear wings but no consciousness of them, allowing us to maneuver without thought and guided by the subconscious will of pure sentience. I’m beyond captivated by your presence, inebriated by the sustenance provided by your existence and the warm, chilly elation buzzing in my skin from your touch. The night swirls around us, breezes twirling and propelling our ascent, […]
A few weeks ago me and my fiance were to pick my mom up for an appointment she had. I opened the door all I saw was her legs and pills everywhere. I ran to her screaming “MOM”. She could speak she threw up all over herself her eyes were red. She looked so hopeless! My fiance got on the phone called an ambulance they came and asked her what she took all she kept saying was ” 5 bottles”, all we saw was Percocets on the floor. After she was brought to the ER and was settled we went back to her place to […]
Yesterday is over..
Yet in the blink of my eye there is still rebirth from the bitterness. There is still hope beyond hopelessness. There is a light!
To late to drown far off the shores from where we’ve been..the tide has turned back to us, and will bring us home
Never to be blinded by the salt of promise, and never to be forgotten!
Wind, breath, earth and my strength rise up in times I need it so desperately.. In times others need it the most!
Turn fire to the darkness and take comfort in its glow. Bring reason to your will, and to mine. Never […]
There is a loneliness in this world
So great that you can see it in the slow movement of the hands of a clock
People so tired, mutilated, either by love or no love.
People just are not good to each other.
We are afraid.
Our educational system tells us that we can all be big winners
But it hasn’t told us about the gutters or the suicides.
Or the terror of one person aching in one place
Alone, untouched, and unspoken to.
How many times do we have to […]
Still angry at myself for going back on my promise of no water. I’m going to probably what’s seemingly rambling but I need to get things off my chest. I got a message asking me about medications. I’ve been doing medications since I was in my early teens and NONE of them have helped they just leave me walking around like a zombie. Its amazing how many people can use the word “unstable” towards someone and not realize how much that word can hurt. Truthfully, YOU never knew of my bi-polar disorder, why? because I”M FUCKING ASHAMED of it. Then people use that word that […]
Thanks for taking the time to read my first post & comment so kindly. It’s not surprising that many of us are in agreement on the subject of making the conscious decision to put an end to what is for most of us the unending hell of constant emotional pain. (As I’ve tried to explain to mental health “professionals”, it’s like being trapped in a room engulfed in flame, and the only escape is to jump to your death.)
In my over 30 years of experience in […]
I sit in my room every night weighing up the pro’s and con’s of ending my life? And most days the pro’s out weigh the con’s, but then I remember what I’d been told.
“suicide is a selfish act”.
Is that so? I can’t get my head around which is more selfish. Taking your own life, or being made to live it?
Yes before it crosses your mind I do cut myself, but I do it in random places not in lines so all it looks like is a few normal scars. I probably do it so keep some sort of sense of control so […]
All of us suicidal people, do we really want to die? Or is it something else? What exactly is it that we need? Because each day that drifts away I understand my feelings less and less.
Feeling djhvfbisjdfh,
PURPLEPAIN
There used to be a world for us.
A place to go after paying a monthly tribute.
A place where we could be and do what we want.
Where the struggles and injustices of the day just flow away.
And you can finally just relax and have fun.
But that world is dying; much like that thing you call your life.
That thing where you receive blessings of many blobs of insecurities that in turn spout out more insecurities.
Until finally an ocean is created and those who don’t fit the norm are left on the shore to be labeled as defective.
Marked with names that crash into […]
I can’t be the encourager and you the discourager. I can’t tell you not to kill yourself while I’m over here cutting and getting blood all over my mattress and internally screaming out to God to strike me down right where I sit.
Well the honest reason is that I suddenly realised that I’m sick of trying. I’m sick of it all. I go to sleep at night telling myself that it’s almost over, just be strong for a little while longer take it one day at a time. But I can’t do it. I feel like I spend every second trying to just hold on. Trying not to break. I don’t know if I can do it anymore. I just want it to be over. Is that really so bad? I’m tired and I need it to be over. I don’t have anything left in me. It’s […]
Was just writing a comment to you, but you already had removed your post.
So sorry to hear of your illness, my heart goes out to you. I’m having a terminal condition as well and have horrifying symptoms too, and they are getting worse by the minute; so I want to end it my way soon as do you.
If you would like to talk personally, I can give you my email address. We can talk here too if you feel comfortable. But if you desire not to talk, take care and I sincerely wish you a peacefull and painless end. You will be in a […]