Its been over 3 months since the last time I saw the person I am in love with. I have not tried to talk to him or anything. There are days I would give anything to hold him one more time. But I don’t contact him because I know he wont talk to me, things ended pretty bad between us. I just wish there was a way to tell him how much I miss him without talking to him
Tag:
us
I have no gripe with the basic design of the animal known Homo sapiens. It has an impressive free range of motion, adaptability, fingers which allow it to perform delicate tasks as well as arms which provide strength, and it has a brain that is capable of some logic as well as emotional thoughts. And while not quite as impressive in this regard as, say, Canis lupus familiaris (the dog), it has some capacity for selflessness and dedication to things other than itself.
On an individual basis, Homo sapiens is a decent design. But when people start acting like people, that’s when this decent design falls […]
My emotions are like waves, threatening to overtake me at one moment, and then soft, serene..At peace with everything the next..
Experiencing this is incredibly hard and makes me feel crazy, but I don’t know that I’d change it. We who experience depression and the more difficult of strong feelings also have the chance to experience the other side.
It’s hard to read what I write during times of distress. It’s hard reading what you all write during times of distress.
It’s hard knowing that some people don’t know what happiness feels like. It’s hard forgetting what it feels like yourself..
What would help? Maybe it’s something different for […]
i know we have a business empire. and i know that you’re looking to your kids as the future leaders of the business, but i want you to know, before i leave, that there is something much much more important than our business.
although i am very thankful that you have built it up to be what it is, maybe it’s time to look at your kids and really see how they are feeling. personally, i feel nothing but disappointment and neglect. disappointment because i know that i have not yet reached the dreams and expectations you have of me. neglected because rather than really look […]
Oh why, oh why
Must our loved ones tear us apart
Oh why, oh why
Do they not take us to heart
Sorrow and guilt
Shall haunt their minds
Sorrow and guilt
Until the end of time
Cold, dark death
Please grace this poor soul
Cold, dark death
Beg you; consume me whole
Frozen In Time
the only thing multiple overdoses, slicing my body to shreds And smacking my head against walls has done is bring negativity. any problems of insecurity I had have gotten worse from the amount of scars I have and the vomiting has fucked my body shape. the overdosing has made me get sick often and feel “not all there”.
not only is my physical body suffering from that but my soul is to. The more you lose the battle the more of yourself you lose… And all I can say is from the time I’ve spent reading, meditating.. this isn’t as bad as it gets.. I can […]
Physical pain, everyone understands. Correction: physical pain, everyone understands if they can see it. Everyone understands a broken limb, a gushing wound, a torn eyeball, but tell them your pancreas hurts or your ears are ringing, and you’ll probably get the condescending “aw poor thing” bullshit and then they’ll forget all about it.
Even worse is mental agony which not only can’t they see, but they can’t even conceive what it might be like. Tell them that your mind is coming apart at the seams and they’ll just give you a blank stare. You won’t even get the condescending sympathy bullshit. Instead they’re more likely to […]
The Dweller Alone by Stella Benson
My Self has grown too mad for me to master.
Craven, beyond what comfort I can find,
It cries: “Oh, God, I am stricken with disaster.”
Cries in the night: “I am stricken, I am blind….”
I will divorce it. I will make my dwelling
Far from my Self.
Not through these hind’ring tears
Will I see men’s tears shed.
Not with these ears
Will I hear news that tortures in the telling.
I will go seeking for my soul’s remotest
And stillest place.
For oh, I starve and thirst
To hear in quietness man’s passionate protest,
Against the doom with which his world is cursed.
Not my own wand’rings—not my own abidings—
Shall give my search […]
She Is….
Stumbling through the corridors,
Banging on the walls,
Everything’s so big
‘Why am I so small?’
Curled in the corners,
Rolling ‘cross the floor
‘Where are the lights?’
Learning to crawl.
She’s rocking on the landing,
Dancing not to bore,
Smiling at the ceiling,
Hiding behind the door.
Fighting in the darkness,
Drowning in the scorn,
Laughing at the lampshades,
Dying as she’s born.
Lurking in the cupboard,
Screaming in the hall,
Listening to the echos,
Company for us all.
Choking in the silence,
Shadows on the wall,
Spitting at the owners,
Smiling at their calls.
I had the worst nightmare last night.
Some of you remember a post about me having a stillborn baby girl.
So beautiful.
Anyways, I had a dream last night that the world was being overtaken by primates. Sounds crazy but hang in there. Primates of all kinds. Orangutans, monkeys, chimps, gorillas, etc. they ran around screeching and destroying anything within reach. Meanwhile the sky was grey with only a few streetlights to reveal the streets. Before the “invasion†I was at home in bed with my boyfriend, very pregnant might I add, and proceeded to go into labor. The fastest and best labor in the world in my […]
I could never say this in public. I get such a hopeful feeling when I read about SP members who have escaped this life. It’s tragic that they, or anyone, would suffer so much that they have to kill themselves. But being in that hell myself, I can only focus on the escape, imagining myself in their place, and using that to remind myself that there is an end to this pain.
I guess we talk & think about it so much, some of us for years, that suicide starts to feel like an impossible dream. Sometimes the more we obsess over an idea, the more […]
New poem. Had some help this time from SP’s very own Chataway.
Like usual, poem is beneath the audio for those that can’t decipher an Australian accent.
Tears
Bullfrog:
So it’s taken me a while but I’ve come to a realisation
that the worst thing one can have in life is expectations.
It’s like a revelation that all the heartache in my life has been of my own creation.
Being broke wouldn’t be a disappointment if I hadn’t expected wealth
and finding it difficult to move wouldn’t dismay had I not expected health.
Being lonely wouldn’t tear at the heart of my very worth had I never trusted and […]
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I believe that is true but life gets so hard and out of control sometimes that for most of us we feel it is the only way out. It think that life is a gift that people misuse. Think about every person that has ever done you wrong, hurt you, and driven you to the point where you just want out…. Now forgive them. Sounds hard right? I’m telling you to forgive the person that has mistreated you, beat you, or made you feel worthless. if you forgive them you will have this peace of mind […]
Unconsciously, Our intuitiveness will tell us when we ready for something ( walking, drinking alcohol, moving out of parents house , getting married )
similarly, when we know we are ready for suicide?
It saddens me so to read all the comments and realise – most people don’t understand us at all.
Society has been going on and on about how we suicidal people need anti-depressants. About how we have mood fluxes and that our suicidal thoughts are irrational, born from irrational feelings.
No.
Most of us have thought about this long and hard. We’ve tried it once. But at that last moment, we see a glittering, shimmering light of hope. Our choices to end our own lives are not something that springs from the moment. We think about it, we plan about it, and we’ve always found that it was […]
what exactly are we meant to do when the world is pushing so many of us away? This is meant to be our souls temporary homes, our bodies are meant to be our temples yet we despise them, hurt them, try to mold them into something they are not. Â so many of us feel as if we have ruined any chance of happiness we had in this life but is that true? Â Sometimes I feel it is, and there’s a voice telling me it’s not, but sometimes I feel it isn’t and there’s an even bigger voice telling me it certainly is. So many that […]
Hey names jane 12
my life was good up to age 7. My got ill with dementia. Her side doesnt help much. My dad and his family took care of us. My mum has been taken in and out of hospital for the past 4 years. It has taken alot out of all of us. Me and my sisters were taken in to care before my dad got full custody of us. (He and my mum seperated) my dad is stressed all the time. My mum doesn’t want to take her medicine. Â She always talks about God god god god. He hasnt done anything. Â My life […]
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He is destroying me. He doesn’t even care that he is killing me inside. I feel so alone and I’m completely lost. My friends and family act like I shouldn’t care and that I shouldn’t be upset. I didn’t want us to end..especially not because of my stupid parents. I’ve been miserable for the last 2 months..He made me happy. I felt that he was my escape from reality. I could be myself around him and he didn’t judge me. He told me he loved me and wanted me. I fell into the abyss. I am now slowly fading away. I want to die. I feel so […]
okay this got delted so ill write it short and simple bullying. guys making fun of me and saying really mean bullshit. they dont listen to the teacher or me so….. i told them to stfu cause they dont know me or my story or anyone to be making comments like ah im so dumb i just want to blow my brains out like stfu you twat fucker fuck sake man. I told them that isnt funny they laughed. so i got up and punched the ***** in the face like the he is. and his other two friends two i told them that they […]