Mostly blue and sometimes red a nebula with green nerves that won’t stop moving walking through three feet of snow because the stone wall is so important then its just a fallen tree and the birds won’t sing and the coyote has died and the deer aren’t sure what to do my hands are warm I keep looking in the water but it is so black so infinite and I’m so small I could never touch every stalk in the field it’s so gold and pretty and then my heart changes colors every pulse and we think rivers of blood are red but they are […]
No acrimony for an ex-girlfriend, parents or society. Just myself. I can’t stand myself. I look in the mirror and see a man ugly inside-out. My birth was an act of turpitude. My reptilian brain only keeps me from ridding myself of myself, from turning my brains into a Jackson Pollock on my bedroom wall.
“…You have been weighed and found wanting…”
The writing on the wall means a lot to me.
I’m not religious. I have very little idea of what significance it originally carried, although I think I have read the story.
For me, it’s a joke in a lot of ways.
People tell me I’m too thin (and I am, but not enough yet for real suspicion). Stage one, silly and shallow. Ha ha. Weighed and found wanting. Get it…?
I feel, much of the time and in many ways, that I’m never enough. However much I have, whatever all it is that I hold, no matter how loaded down with […]
I Fucking hate you. I really do. Because I can’t tell you what goes on in my head. I can’t. If I told you that I can picture myself painting the most beautiful mural I’ve ever seen as I splatter someone’s brain across a wall, youd never speak to me again. Youd never see me the same. If I told you that I love you in the same breath, you would fucking hate me. But it’s only natural to hate a sociopath. […]
These pictures are from today….I am the person who never did this… but the combination of not being able to trust new contacts, thus making it impossible to life a normal life and the fact that my ex girlfriend might have given me soa’s;there have been 10+ guys so the chances are rather high…. has removed all boundaries which i did have before.
This carnage […]
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This is a series of photos that I took recently in some off the wall attempt at expressing exactly what goes on in my mind. I feel so blinded, but the moment the blindfold is removed, I rgret […]
Okay so I got on my soapbox about loneliness and how shitty the world is. Been doing this for a long time so it feels like home. I received several comments about getting out and so I did. I went to a local coffee shop, grabbed a chai and sat in the corner observing the world. Did this help – well not really because everyone was oblivious to my presence and once again I disappeared into the wall. I made one feable attempt to communicate but I ran out of energy and dropped to the floor. When I got back up it seemed like I […]
Hoy me vuelvo a sentir como una foto en la pared y no respiro para no hacer ruido.
(I feel again today like a picture on a wall and i don’t breathe so i don’t make any noise.)
i am worried that some people on here are trolling this site looking for the vulnerable. rest assured i am strong. yet in pain. i am so lonely right now. i made the mistake of calling my parents’ home. my mother is heavily into gaslighting and loves to confuse my mind. i screamed at her called her a name left a nasty message for them both and then fell into some guilt. now i dont care. i would give anything not to be this person anymore, hanging on by a thin thread. the agony of alone can destroy you. sick of the gd voices but […]
I built a wall, 10 stories high. I built a wall, to guard it all. My feelings, my dreams…my heart. It was guarded nice and snug. Then, you came along and it tumbled after one great bomb. Who were you to come along? Who were you to break these walls? You came charging in and won my heart. You took it in your hands, molded it, then set it ablaze in a fiery pit.
Now, I’m but an empty shell of what used to be. I need no walls or defense. You’ve taken the last piece that was dear to me. I have no hopes or […]
I have to tell someone before I go – see, the world has been draining of color for a while now, all the blood seeping out like snow melting on the ground…and today I saw something. It whispered in my ear to go. There was a person smiling in the orange rock by the window, and then he was gone. He had jumped to the top of the pine tree overlooking the hotel, he was waving, waving madly, his face so faint that the wind could erase it.
This reality is a lie, it’s a sham, – I have to go to the Kalahari desert before the […]
Now I’m gonna have that song in my head. I don’t want to die. I just … don’t want to live, either. Can you commit suicide by apathy? What if I just stop taking my meds, stop eating, stop drinking, stop doing anything other than lay in my bed and stare at the wall and remind myself that I’m a cold-hearted monster that breaks everything, that can’t really love, and that no one will ever love back? I hope my cats wait until I’m dead to start nibbling at my body for survival, but, well, c’est la vie. It’s […]
I was hospitalized twice last year for suicidal actions and gave up on the notion of taking my own life. Since then I graduated college and moved to a big city. The problem is that my degree has only been an expensive piece of paper hanging on my wall and I feel lost. My depression keeps me tired, so i drink to fall asleep. My anxiety keeps me on edge about finding a perfect job to build a life I don’t think i’d like so at the end of the day I can curl up with a woman that doesn’t exist.
Each day is a […]
The next step. I take the next step. Then have no energy. Where is the vessel of life? How do I refill it? The rent wall leaks to the floor all I pour in. The holidays are here. Time to live for others. No time to die. But I am so tired. So very tired.
So I just printed my suicide note and hung the pages on my wall and then took some markers/highlighters to it to basically spice it up and draw some additional attention to all of the people I hate, and honestly, it actually made me feel better….
Just in case anyone else wanted to try the technique for a temporary band-aid on a gushing wound.
I sit here on my own. Just waiting for someone to realize that I am an island. I wish someone would be brave enough to row out to sea, just to stumble upon me. But instead I sit here, alone and deserted. Minutes, days, months pass without human contact. Just me and my thoughts, swirling around like a hurricane. They batter my mind like wind against a wall, they tear me up by the roots and toss me around like I’m nothing. I guess I am nothing. If an island is never discovered, did it ever exist? I kind of doubt it.
But I will sit […]
I had an epiphany today. Sitting in my geometry (or geography… Maybe it’s geology. I really don’t know) class it came to me; I know how I’m going to die. I’m gonna call some local dive bar up (because what will transpire shouldn’t be witnessed by anyone under 21) and tell them I’m a Romanian Gypsy magician called Bogdan the Mysterious, and am come a long way to teach the wonders of the gypsy people to the west. Once they give me the ok, I look for 8 willing midgets and a trained juggling bear to participate in this once in a lifetime opportunity.
When the […]
“A Nightmare Bruce Wayne, Are You A Hero”
An Crane, what kind of man have you became
My first child-hood friend here under the sun
What would you, can you know the truth
Do you fly or, don’t leave me in my chain
This one’s for you, what kind of man can we
Here, it has been the end so long ago
Eternal, rotting death, my path to the sky
This has been the last, the last spit
Black dragon, Ouroboros clan, a white lotus
I can no longer, are you Robin or Nightwing
Back when we were ten-years-old
When I first came to the air of […]
Retrograde, I shed up cause’ I can’t smoke inside the house
God I cannot swear your name, damn the damn dentist
Get the hell out of the damned States from America
Kim Jong of Korea got the terminal through his hole
Before I die, before I die; dude, let’s get a hold of the Rodman!
Damn son of a ***** will kill my life, let’s go comrade
But I’m going back to the Europe
France surrendered already, I heard
They’re so, so beautiful, oh this little boy
As I stood by the wall chilling, came up to me
In […]
I have two questions regard death by hanging, suspension , without breaking of the neck. The first question is will you feel anything after losing consciousness ? I know the feeling of lungs heaving must be painful but I want to know if someone would experience it at all, since after 10 seconds or so the person would be passed out. Is it a painful experience? The second question is how loud is the sound of someone suffocating during suspension hanging?? Is it possible for someone to hear, gagging, choking, or lungs heaving while passing? If so from how far away? through a wall? More […]