I’ve been struggling for so long. I don’t understand why I hate myself so much. Why I don’t want to live. I want to be done. I want to be peaceful. I hate hating myself. I feel alone. I feel left out. I hate breathing. I feel isolated and alone. I want to go to sleep and never wake up.
want
I can’t sleep again, had to wash down another thorazine. I want to paint the walls red but I know it will get me nowhere but scarred for life however long that spark may live on. I am ruminating on my panic attack earlier this week right in the middle of class, the professor sent me home “sick”, I almost jumped off the roof… But I know better (been there, done that). I don’t want to die really, I just want to be free of turmoil and strife. What happens when we die, what do you think? Are we doomed to repeat this miserable life […]
damn. 19, nearly 20 and I’m still a distant son to my parents. I haven’t seen them in years.
never has it really been any different.
I really don’t want to spout the same generic things that people would expect to hear.
I don’t want to be just another. I hope no one reads this. Its like letting the public know
but hoping they close their eyes, and don’t listen
neglectfulness fills my life.
I was in hopspital 3 years ago, I was a lot worse then.
I was really gone back then…I can’t remember much of it.
But now, although the doctors shone that light in […]
Your eyes are always so red and tired.
You were the one who taught me Endurance, but one day, the bottle’s gonna be filled up. There’s got to be a limit.
Aren’t there times you just want to scream, to shout and to throw things around?
How long can you stand, how long more can you endure?
So right now im sitting in the living room of my home, watching my fiancée pack her things to leave. And it’s killing me. I can’t stand it. I haven’t much to say, just to say I’m sorry. I failed you, in so many ways and therefore I deserve this. Which is why I have decided to end my life tonight. You’ll leave, and be happy. And I’ll be happy too. You told me that you want me to think of my happiness first now. Well that’s what I’m going to do. Tonight after you close the door for the last time, I will wrap […]
So I was in a hospital for two weeks… And I think I fell in love…
I went to the hospital for my self-harm issues(the only reason I ever found this site) along with PTSD, major anxiety and other mental health problems. I was in a two-week program at McLeans adolescent residential treatment program(or ART.) well about my seventh day there, a boy shows up. His name is Alex. It was nothing new, there was new people coming and going there all the time. We did our introductions, and when he explained his, I realized what an amazing voice he has. Yes, sadly I kinda had a crush on him from the first thing he said. But, he was only there […]
you know your born into this world and for the first copal of years of your life you think hey what could go wrong? sadly you soon start to open your eyes and see the world for what it really is i don’t know much about any of you just anonymous bloggers like me i guess but i know one thing death is unavoidable wether it is from natural causes a tragic accident or self inflected. sometimes you don’t want to die other times you know your ready like me i know i want to die i know that theres nothing anyone can do to […]
So useless.
Can’t do anything right, can’t do anything well.
Good-for-nothing.
Filled with envy.
Filled with hatred for oneself.
I just want to sleep, sleep forever.
Okay, so I know this is probably seen time and time after again. Some poor sap crying about how sad they are about their relationship issues. And normally I would be one of those people who would be quick to call the person out on their drama, but idk, its different for me. I’ve recently started coming out of the closet. I’m a guy btw. My parents were supportive. I’ve told a couple friends and they’ve been supportive. I’ve been dating this guy for the last 7 months and have fallen head over heals in love with him. He is so special to me. He’s […]
I had a rough life since the day I was born i’ve been attempting to overcome hardships one after another after another with no break in between. I had my heart broken not once but twice by the same jerk of a guy. I had lost hope stopped believing in the possibility of anything good. Recently I realized, I forgive my ex and have truly let him go and all the feelings with him. That’s not to say that the memories are gone or that there isn’t pain, because there still is. I do want to love someone and be loved by someone a healthier […]
I’m just honestly sad about school and everything. It honestly sucks that everyone judges you on everything so I basically have no friends. I just want to talk to someone about what I honestly feel because I can never talk to someone about it at school because it spreads. I don’t think I can smile everyday pretending everything is alright
4 days left,
and I don’t really know how to get sorted.
Or if I even should sort things.
Got notes written to those that matter, several notes actually, don’t really know which to choose. Do I use the short? the long? the one that tries to explain as much as possible, while reassuring, so feelings don’t get hurt “too” much?
Do I even use one? Should I leave nothing, or just write on the wall: “Fuck it, doesn’t matter anyway” ?
Should I clean everything up nice and tidy? Leave a mess? Just let everything be as it is, so it shows how much a mess […]
I am used to winning. I am used to getting what I want through hard work and determination.
However, my life is a failure.
I’m pretty sure that I will never work my dream job. My grades from 4 years ago are so shitty that I will never be able to get over them.
Every friend I have every made has moved on with thier life.
i still live with my parents.
There is no happiness in my life. All i want to do is be able to work hard so that I can achieve my dreams. But it seems like that is impossible now.
Should I end it. Or should […]
When all you want is to end your life, how do you fight the urge to die? How do stop yourself from constantly finding reasons to just give up?
In the midst of …crisis? drama? melt down…I don’t konw whwat. I just think that i’m not doing well. I am thinking about checking into a hopsital. But I’m so scared. I have ajob….what happens when you do that and you are suppose to wokr the nxt day? Will everyone find out? I don’t even want my boss to know. I kind of want to go in the hospital and never come out or just quit my job. I don’t wnat to give up but I dodn’t feel I have the brain for this job…which is to say I don’t have a brain for much […]
I am so tired. My method so easy. It’s just so unfair how easy, painless, and certain it will be.
I keep coming to the same two doorways. Both lead me here.
Behind one is that I am right and I am in fact good for nothing but working day in and day out. That I’m worth no more than what could be traded for money and in the long run, a comfortable place to enjoy loneliness in a body with genes that nobody would prefer to pass onto their least favorite kind of mushrooms.
Behind the second is that I am wrong and in fact crazy. That […]
I’m scared to die but want to.right when I’m about to down some pills I think about what’s gonna happen after and chicken out. I’m NOT Christen so I don’t believed I’ll go to hell for doing so. But were do I find the strength to kill myself?
Someone kill me please. I want to die. Who would care and know? Oh yes, the people that get things from me, want things from me. Those are the only people who care. The rest don’t give a damn. Why am I here? Struggling and straining to be normal. Fighting to keep my moods up or level? What’s the damn point? Who do I help by existing? No one. Only those who would bleed me out to use me and abuse me. Those are the only souls that surround me. The ones that bound me.
The rest are pretenders. Offenders. Holier than thou. I’m better than […]
A week ago my girlfriend told me that she found something out. She said she’d found a new fetish. I didn’t ask what, I asked how. How did you find it out? She said I didn’t want to know. I hate her. She hurt me so bad. That night I cut my wrist up bad and there’s still blood all over. Traces of the pain. Now whenever I look at her I suck it up because I do fucking love her. She hurt me so bad.
My best friend well maybe friend thinks I’m crazy or looking for attention.I just want some help and I have no other friends really.Last night since we got in a fight about this(we fight a lot).after I got really upset and frustrated and kept looking up less painful ways to committ suicide.idk what to do I wanna kill myself so bad but at the same time I don’t cause there’s too many factors that come in to play and what if I go to hell???:(