It’s a double-edged sword and I’m balanced on its tip. I don’t want to be alive anymore, but I’m afraid to attempt suicide because I fear what would happen if I failed. So I hate myself anyway, and the fact that I am afraid to just end my life makes me hate myself even more because it shows me that I’m a coward.
want
Fucking why does my life have to be so fucked up I don’t even want to talk about it anymore like fuck I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up!
I just never want to be looked at again
I don’t want to be spoken to or speak myself!
This life has won the game already and it’s just pulling me along for more pain to be felt!
Quit fucking around and let me get hit by a car or truck tomorrow!
@$&%#%#&$&@#%
i just have so much anger built inside me. to where a lil thing that goes wrong i just want to blow the fuck up!!.. i can’t take it anymore
When all you need is someone who just knows and tell you it’ll be okay, you remember that you’ve already scared them away and there is no one left. with each cut I become less human, I just want to feel again, have that sensation of being alive.
Everyday when I wake up I feel disappointed and just want to go back to sleep, but forever and never have to wake up again.
Not entirely sure how or what to write on here. This is a huge gamble for me as I’ve never talked to anyone about how I truly feel everyday. I guess it’s my fear of constantly being judged and viewed as “weak”. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety from a young age; about 12 or so. Unfortunately society was a lot less educated on the subject and it was just chalked up to “hormones” and “puberty”. I’ve always been incredibly shy and quiet and I was consistently bullied throughout all my childhood. I’m of mixed race and grew up in a small predominately “white” town so I […]
It’s been a long time coming and many failed attempts are piled up amidst the endlessly towering walls I’ve built up. Not everything I do fails. Not everyone I meet I make unhappy. But enough do that it might as well be everyone and everything.
I don’t want to hold on. I do so for others and fuck, I have tried. I moved, moved again, got a new job, adjusted meds, started therapy. The thoughts– fantasies, perhaps- of my demise never find a chance to subside.
I’ve been depressed since I was 10. Abusive and oppressive household and general faulty wiring to blame. This turned into severe […]
I’ve been cooped up at home for almost a month now. Tomorrow I am required to leave my lumpy pillow behind and dress up. What is this “outside” that many speak of? I only love that which I know, that which is familiar and comfortable. Why would I venture anywhere else? I have forgotten what that awful word represents, and confess that I have no desire to remember. T_T
My life is in chaos right now. I’m moving to a different state on Wednesday. I’m gonna be couch surfing with a guy who will let me stay in exchange for me being a chauffeur. I put an ad out on Craig’s List saying I needed a place to crash and I’d do chores and cook in trade. I’ve gotten so many responses of basically “sleep with me and you can stay as long as you like”.
I hate people. I’m not a whore. If I were, I would certainly go for a sugar daddy type instead of someone who will let me sleep on their […]
It doesn’t make sense. Right now, me sitting in my room with the lights out, only listening to flow of my typing. I’m not popular, but I do have friends. I have a crush. I have a roof over my head and food on my plate. I have a family that cares about me in their own way.
But still, I am alone. All that there is left of me is a shell that smiles. Inside, it’s hollow.
What’s the point? All the pain, expectations for the future, burdens from the past. I just don’t want to anymore. I sound like such a whiny b*****. Don’t most […]
BIPOLA:
Life comes to standstill
Life is meaningless.
You don’t existed.
You are too tired to try.
Hope is DEAD
Feeling eludes you.
Some say you are good as dead.
You don’t feel you deserve anything.
You lost the sense of belonging
You feel detached
You don’t care.
There is no joy,
No sadness
No frustration.
You are just floating around……
Stop caring about yourself
Grow tired of the people around you
That includes people trying to help you or understand you.
You just want to sleep and sleep
and never wake up.
Waking up kills your dreams.
Hello there. I have a loving husband three amazing kids a fantastic family apart from my brother who is a complete twat (I mean totally) and I want to end my life…. . . ..I just want my pain to stop and it never does….. I just don’t know how i find the strength everyday to keep going. I am alone in this. I can’t share how I feel sat at the table….. It would break hearts….. But mine is breaking too…took a lot to put this down but it’s out there now…. I’m scared.
I’m new and like everyone here I have been suicidal and depressed. I feel like I have let a lot of people I care and love down. Seems like all I do is mess up and I feel so alone. I feel as no one cares if I’m around or not. Seems like only time they want me is when they need something or something needs done. I feel like I’m a burden to my family and friends.
I do have a story but I don’t want to get into right yet for I’m not sure if anyone would want to know or talk. It took […]
so i couldn’t really sleep so i was left all alone with my thoughts, and that’s not really a happy place for me. insert sigh here. heh i’m not used to spilling my problems out, but i thought this might help a little; that and i can think up horrible things for myself and this was a good way to distract myself. and right now any little bit is good. so i suppose i should start with the basics since this is my first actual post and non-comment. i’m 16, i’ve had a pretty good life so far, kind of distant parents, not that i […]
I cannot sleep…. I keep thinking about what someone said to me “no one gives a ish”….
No one cares and to have no one in your corner ,hurts. I tried telling a friend a few minutes ago that I still deal with depression and cannot get rid of these sucidal thoughts, And just said ” i thought you wasn’t going to go to that place no more”? Like really…. if i could really had a choice to feel the way I do don’t you think I would choose not to be feeling sucidal, depressed and lonely all the time…Damn, I do wanna be happy but I […]
Lately I’ve had lots of thoughts about cutting…I’ve never done it before. But I’ve know people who have and they say it relieves their pain and makes them feel better.
I guess the only thing stopping me is the pain. (Ironic that I could try to kill myself but not bring myself to slash my wrist lol right?)
i just want some of my pain to go away. I’ve never been 100% positive about suicide so this sounds good idk.
How bad does it hurt?
Hello everybody. I really hate alot of things about myself. I am also sick with social anxiety and clinical depression. I recently discovered that I’m transsexual. I’m an 18 year old attending college to get a mechanical engineering degree. I feel like if I transition I’m going to destroy everything I worked for because I heard that workplaces just hate hiring transgender people. I also feel like if I transition I’m going to end up still looking manly due to being fat, acne ridden and hairy. I am also half black and from what I researched and understand black male to female transgender people don’t […]
Tell me, what’s so great about being at college, this fucking college life? It’s suppose to be the best time of your life and since I’ve been here, this has been the worst 2 weeks probably in my life. Before I left to come here, do I dare say I was happy? I think that’s what happiness was, being surrounded by people who love you, don’t make you question their intentions and people who are around you just for the sake of enjoying your company. We didn’t really do much, we constantly just sat around smoking weed and talking, enjoying being with one another, but […]
I want to be a Surgical PA. I’m currently a senior in HS and I know I may not be smart enough to carry out this task. I work very hard though and if I study and practice I do end up getting a good grade. Although in medicine you can study for hours and still not get a good result. If this is my fate I dont want to start just to quit. Those of you who have higher education, or are in medicine what is your opinion?
The walls are closing in on me once again, and I feel as though I am suffocating. I’ve been trapped in this seemingly never ending abyss for just over eight years now, and everything seems to be getting worse. I have nothing to contribute to the world, except my death. Day in and day out, I have to force myself to get out of bed, and put on a happy facade. Putting on this facade is becoming increasingly difficult to do, and I just want to give up. I do not want to live. I am nothing but a […]