Hello there. I have a loving husband three amazing kids a fantastic family apart from my brother who is a complete twat (I mean totally) and I want to end my life…. . . ..I just want my pain to stop and it never does….. I just don’t know how i find the strength everyday to keep going. I am alone in this. I can’t share how I feel sat at the table….. It would break hearts….. But mine is breaking too…took a lot to put this down but it’s out there now…. I’m scared.
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I’m no expert, but IMO you have to be honest with people. I know many people disagree, and sometimes honesty can feel inappropriate. However, what is the alternative? Dishonesty is just a stupid concept IMO. It is a failure of communication.
You are not meant to go it alone. No one is. Look at what happens to people who end up alone. It fucks them up. You need others, just like they need you. Therefore you should communicate clearly with them.
Imagine humanity as an organism. If the cells don’t talk to each other, how is it supposed to function?
So talk to your husband. Talk to your kids. Tell them how you feel. Your kids might think it is their fault. Talk to them about that.
You’re coming on Suicide Project to talk, which is great, but the people you should be talking to first are right there with you.
Just my opinion. I may be wrong. I’m socially inept.
Muspelham is totally 100% correct. You should talk to them. Depression can effect anyone, it’s no ones fault. Be open, let them help you through this.
Thanks theWhispersOfMySins 🙂
🙂
Hiding your pain from the people you love and pretending you’re OK will definitely make you feel very alone. You haven’t said whats causing your pain, would you prefer not to say? There are nice people on here who will hear your story and sympathize with you, but maybe it would be worth looking into a therapist to talk through your issues causing you this grief – your loved ones have too much to lose.
I’m in a similar situation. I have a perfect wife and wonderful children. Sometimes looking at the contrast between how good they are and how good I’m not makes things worse. The glaring difference makes me feel like “one of these things is not like the other”.
Why is your heart breaking?
Why is yours? X
I’m in the same boat as you. I just don’t know what to say.
I agree that you should not isolate yourself or your feelings from loved ones. This pain is not yours to face alone. Yes, you risk alienating others if they aren’t supportive – I won’t lie about that but family is your immediate support and withholding your situation from your husband in many ways shows you mistrust him, and he cannot support you or shore you up in loving ways if he is not aware. We are not as good at withholding our pain from loved ones as we think we are and if this has been affecting you for some time I would be willing to bet he suspects something is going on with you anyway.
You deserve the love and care of your family and friends, especially when you are suffering. We can listen posting here is certainly a good start to diffusing your pain. But you need to also know how those closest to you are willing to support you and if they do, it will be so much more beneficial to you.
I wish the best for you, and with the hope that things will turn around for the better.
– peace
Thank you all for the replies and the advice…. It’s just not easy to walk that walk……
Do any of you have a feeling of nausea so bad that it’s takes over every waking minute? Mine is horrid…. Is this part of my depression? I’m from England by the way x
I get that type of nausea during an anxiety attack (which is paralyzing for me). I also get it when I withdrawal from my anti-psychotic meds (Seroquel). It is beyond painful.
Anxiety… I see.
If it is anxiety (not an acute anxiety attack), it often helps me to dip my face in ice cold water. I won’t go into the biology of it but it does help me and others.