he fucking killed me. how does it feel to know that you fucking had enough influence to make somebody else to want to disappear?! i am beyond hurt. i am so heartbroken i can’t keep going. nobody deserves this life.
why am i writing this? why am i writing here. it doesn’t matter. it doesn’t change anything. just venting. for what.
want
i just want to die
I’m new and I just want to say, this is to get my thoughts down on paper but nor bottle them up or keep them as secrets.
I’ll go ahead, without sugar-coating it. I’m an ex rape victim.
Which is funny, I don’t get why it’s known as being an ex victim. It scars you mentally and emotionally and sometimes physically, but I guess it’s happened and it’s not happening anymore. When I was younger, I can remember being put to bed at the house of my grandmother’s on their bed and when I woke up I was crying and my legs […]
HI. I’ve just found this site. I know if my boyfriend or friends or housemates knew I was here they would be devastated. But I am struggling.
I first attempted suicide and began a relationship with self-harm aged 15. I’m now 30. I have a standard abuse history. I most definitely am not original. My parents emotionally and physically abused me. My friend raped me at a party when I was 16. My boyfriend died when I was 17. My friend’s father used me as a sex pet when I was living with her family when I was 17. My boyfriend beat me when I was […]
I need to heal, and travel to the icy end of the continent.
Humble, the express; no longer want to wait.
Come on, with the golden nimbus machine, summon the story of death.
Free my dying soul, forever to celestial. I am that I am, see with your eye.
A beast of hell. Who I am, an exiled human child. Faith is a haunted ghost.
Uttermost, gutter-most, oblivious. A beast of hell, a worldly.
Seven billion and nobody. Everyone, gone. All that is so much wrong.
Escape the world. Forever lost. Until the next saga.
Oracle of faith. Save me today.
Hi, I’ve been in pain my whole life. I’ve been treated for depression since I was 11 (I’m in my early 40’s). I’ve tried every antidepressant and combinations (don’t tell me I haven’t, I’ve been a nurse for over 20 years, I understand the pharmaceutical interventions available) as well as behavioral and cognitive therapy, nothing works. In October of 2012 I injured my back severely because my wife asked me to lift her. I was on opanna, dilaudid, Percocet, etc. Nothing helped. I saw multiple surgeons, physical therapy, epidural blocks, and a chiropractor but nothing helped. The opiates affected my sexual performance.
My wife of 15 […]
This is beginning to be too much. The world has been so dark and hopeless for the past year. I can’t figure out what’s wrong with me. I keep telling myself, “You’re fine. Get the fuck out of bed, and live your life.” only to discover that I have no motivation. I tell myself I do, but I don’t. After the stress, the tears, the panic attacks, the breakdowns. I can’t bring myself to admit that I need help. I don’t need help. I just don’t. I can’t bring myself to even talk to people anymore. Everyone thinks I’m mad at them, but ever since […]
I’ve made up my mind I want to die, I don’t see the point my existence anymore. The only thing holding me back is my fear of the pain before I go, I don’t want to die thinking only of the pain I want to go while I’m thinking of my friends and family… Some of you reading this may question “if you have family and friends why do you want to die it’s pointless?” and the sad fact is that I simply give up, I give up fighting all these emotions and I give up to the pain and suffering hard times have given […]
I hate living life and I just want to die. But I don`t know how to effectively kill myself without fucking it up. I cannot mentally survive. This game of life is not for me. It`s torture! I don`t understand why we are not allowed to legally kill ourselves with help when we don`t want to live anymore. Fuck!. What`s the point of keeping people who are clearly unfit to live, who cannot function, alive? Fucking cruel. This life. This earth. Is hell. It`s a prison. It really is. I don`t understand any of it. Don`t want to participate in it. Why can`t we get […]
So I’ve suspected what was coming for a few weeks and had plenty of time to contemplate what would happen. My love finally told me last night she wasn’t coming home to me and that she needed a divorce. Unfortunately she’s halfway around the world “defending our country” and I’m left home keeping her house ready for her for the next couple months. Of course when she gets back I’ll need to leave my life behind. My family, house, sanity becomes hers. She’s not angry and has been talking to me about getting help but it doesn’t help. I’m currently in therapy and on meds […]
so, here is my story. back 2012, i moved school so i could be a more dedicated student and stuff, but what i actually did was study like a slave for 14 hours or more. i also had all my teachers saying “how are you going to enter a university? you need to study harder” and that’s what i did. i stopped doing everything i loved, i stopped watching movies, reading books that weren’t from school, texting or calling friends, or even hanging out with friends, i also stopped listening to music (yes somehow i managed to do that) and taking pictures of myself). my […]
I dont know what to do with myself. My mother told me i failed every class of my sophmore year, that im a failure, stupid, a waist of time, that im on the right way of being homeless. She tells me i cant go to summer school cause she doesnt want to waist her time and that i have to get a job to help myself from now on. I live right down from my school, about one hour walk. I can do it myself. I dont need her to help me. She said i dont get a second chance so i say”But thats the […]
u all have become my friends here. i just want to say thank you. i am trying to get help, but i fear i may do something drastic before then. know that i gave life my all friends. i hope my girlfriend and son understand one day. im trying to get help, but i fear its too late.
All of us suicidal people, do we really want to die? Or is it something else? What exactly is it that we need? Because each day that drifts away I understand my feelings less and less.
Feeling djhvfbisjdfh,
PURPLEPAIN
I went to the roof of my five storey building. I stood on the ledge. I wonder if that is enough. I don’t want to wake up in the hospital.
I do care. I do. I care so much I go all in, surrender every ounce of being to them.
They never do. They don’t care.
And I’m tired. Tired of being the only ones who pulls all the weight around here.
I’m just so done with this stupid life. I’ve never fit in no matter what. I suck at life and want to die. I have no purpose or meaning in my life. I’m a failure and all I do is suck at life. The only purpose to my life is that of being a fucking loser nobody. I hate myself.
I’m never going to have friends. Nobody likes me. I’m drinking to numb my pain before another suicide attempt.
I’m going to try a variety of things tonight. I don’t belong here in this world and don’t know why I’m even here.
all that I am good at […]
It’s been 19 days.
The medicine I’m on seems to have taken away the so familiar feeling of sadness I’ve had for as long as I can remember. The change is so sudden that I feel like I’ve been stripped of a part me, I part I loathed but at the same time loved. How is it possible that now that my depression is on the way to being cured, I don’t want it gone?
It’s as if I would rather stay with my roller coaster of a life then be happy. Do I really hate myself so much, or is it just her ensuring I never […]
My life is a living hell right now my parents are divorced I cut I fight with my mother constantly and I hate my life,my father called me a ***** and told me to fuck off the my step father tried to hit me!i hate this world and I have no one who cares at all I just want to overdose and fucking die!!! No one cares anymore….waking up each day is like dying all over again….and maybe I’ll go somewhere better because I lived In hell most of my life….
Hey, what a great website this is! So right now I feel numb, dead inside and its driving me crazy. I don’t feel happy, sad, hungry, angry, upset or love. My Mum dies of a brain tumour Christmas before last and my ex boyfriend says he wishes I was hanging from a rope. Genuinely don’t want to fight the battle of life anymore, feeling drained and like I have nothing to give anybody. Some people were well prepared for life on earth, others struggle… that’s me, struggle though one problem after another and wonder how much more I can take… Has anyone ever felt like this? […]
I don’t want to die I just want to be scared and if that means dying than that’s fine… I’m not afriad of committing suicide, I’m scared if I were fail… What people would think of me.