My father committed suicide when I was 5 years old leaving me, my 9 year old sister and mum devastated. I believe that he thought we would be better off without him and he was doing us a favour. I’m 17 years old now and I still break down and cry for the father I never had. Suicide is selfish, if a person has children on this Earth it is their responsibility to protect, guide and support them. Not having a father has affected me in countless way. My father wasn’t there to teach me how to ride a bike, to pick me up when […]
Tag:
wants
This is it for me split from my missus after 18 years now living in a crummy bedsit on my own. I have no family and im 38 years old with nothing to look forward to. The thought of this being the rest ov my life!! Now found out my ex has cancer but wants nothing from me & wont even talk to me so i dont no whats going on. And iv never been so scared in my life. So theres only one solution for me and iv accepted it.
So i either:
1. Drink bottle whiskey and drop from my 7th floor balcony.
2. Drink bottle […]
i am 17 & will be 18 in 3 months i have no job,not graduating,extremly insecure,have no friends nd feels like i have no family i need a job more than anything but nobody is hiring me nd that along with everything else is making me ore miserable than i already am i am also bipolar nd serverly depressed i was on medication but i ran out nd my mom wont refill my perscription she acts like she cares infront of pp but really she doesnt because ive been like this my whole life nd im only getting worse nd not once has she acted […]
from the moment I could talk, all ive ever wanted was to be helpful to someone, and make them happy, actually be worth something….. yet all my life I have felt that I never help anyone….I feel like no matter how hard I try, I will always remain usless and worthless….I feel like no one ever wants or needs me, and I don’t feel loved….. I just want to make someone smile…… but all I ever do is hurt them and make them angry……nobody loves me, nobody cares about me…..I just wish I could die….it would spare everyone from wasting their valuble effort on someone […]
I don’t know what to say, so I’ll just ramble.
For the past two weeks the only thing that has been on my mind is putting a gun to my head and pulling the trigger.
Three years ago I would have said that there may still be hope for me. Five years ago I would have said that suicide is a cowards way out. But now, I see it a bit differently.
Now, I see just how much strength it takes to abandon whatever it is that convinced you to stay for so long and enter permanently the into the unknown. I understand that it isn’t a way […]
I’m too scared to kill myself. I’m afraid that I’ll fail, and end up screwed in some way. I don’t have much to live for, with a family that cares to much about the unimportant stuff but doesn’t care about what matters and friends that lie to me and try to make me jealous of them, and social anxiety that’s almost crippling.
My dad left my mom and I when I was 3. She found a guy when I was 8, and at first he wasn’t so bad. Now, he blames me for everything, even stuff I didn’t know about. He forces me to clean everything […]
It seems as I get older, life just gets worse. Reality becomes more…well, real. I don’t know if I sound crazy or if anyone else out there wants/thinks the same as me but tbh I really just want to live in a beautiful fairy land where no bad happens, no lies, cheating, murders, etc.
I want to go somewhere far far away from reality and this evil world full of evil people who don’t give a damn about anything! I do not belong here, my soul has never belonged in such an evil place. I am so different to everyone I know and meet:/ I […]
Mencius (a student of Confucius):
“Living is what I want; meaning is also what I want. If I cannot have both, I would rather take meaning than living. On the one hand, though life is what I want, there is something I want more than life.
That is why I do not cling to life at all cost.
On the other hand, though death is what I loathe, there is something I loathe more than death. Â Yet there are ways of remaining alive and ways of avoiding death to which a person will not resort.
In other words, there are things a person wants more than life and […]
A year ago I wanted to kill myself and I told myself I had to give it a year to see if that feeling remained. The time is up and it’s still what I want, I have a plan in place to make sure my cat is taken care of and that police/paramedics are who find the body. It’s a really good plan. But it is so frustrating to not be able to find any kind of solid information or resources on how to do get it done correctly. The things I found via Google seem so out of reach because they involve things I […]
Ok so I’m 27, I live in the UK, so there’s no guns (would be my preferred way) anyways my life is so bad, I have an extreme foot fetish where it replaces all normal sexual preferences, I only find the feet sexy, girls legs, butts, etc mildly attractive but not proper arousal.
This is causing me huge stress as I can’t have normal sex with a girl without feet, it’s caused two girls to leave me, & now there’s one girl I’m in love with who loves me back & definitely wants to get shagged but I know she hates feet & would be extremely […]
Hi, I’m a 15 year old boy, I’m currently a closet bi-sexual, and have, in my own way, suffered a lot over the years. For starts, I’ve had to deal with both mental and physical bullying my whole life, save for this year. When I was in 4th grade, I had only 1 friend, and when I tried to make a new one, this kid thought I was trying to take his only friend away, so instead of telling me so, he physically bullied me to try to get his point across. Every time he caught me talking to his friend, he would come up […]
…then that’s what they’ll see.
I’ll paint pretty pictures on the walls around me
I’ll always be happy and make it look real.
It’s amazing how well you can hide how you feel.
I wrote that about 27 years ago, and nothing has changed. I still paint on my smile every day before walking out the door. I’ve been dealing with depression since I was 10 years old (and perhaps before that as I’m fairly certain I was sexually abused and more than certain I was physically and mentall abused)…never understanding why I feel the way I do, or how everyone else always seems like they’re […]
Long story short: So there is this girl. We had crush on each other for very long time, then I had enough courage to tell her what I feel for her and she said she felt the same but she was afraid that I might be in love with someone else. Then we started dating and it lasted 6 months, and then se left me because she had mental problems and she was very confused and hurt inside, and I try to understand that. She even asked me back but I was too hurt and had lost my selfconfidence so we didn’t get back together, […]
my dad and i got in a fight last night about my Spanish grade. i told him keeping my grades up is hard because i get stressed. he yelled at me for having a low tolerance for stress. he said to me back when i was a kid i can handle all you go through and more. but he never had to go through what i do. feeling worthless and stressed all the time, being picked on for being different, getting yelled at every night by a drunken asshole because he wants me to feel bad about myself. i used to like myself when i […]
I just wish I could take someone’s cancer or something.
Imagine knowing when to die, having all your loved ones around you counting the last breaths together.. But more than anything, you just saved someone who wants to live, someoe who can enjoy life more then you do… Having a good purpose for death is probably the best thing I could ever hoped for right now.
No but really I’m having the worst anxiety attack right now. And to add to it my mother wants to come into the session with me so she can meet the doctor. Now, I don’t have a problem with that because that’s what we’ve normally done for the past 4 crazy doctors, I just hope she isn’t going to make me out to be a basket case that needs to be seen every day…since, well, I am getting worse.
Sorry, I just don’t know what to do anymore. It gets to the point where you’re fucked over one too many times and they say “keep your head […]
You know, it seriously takes alot time and courage for someone who’s really shy and and the loner type to actually post anything. Alot of times I just press cancle on a full page post, so feedback would be nice. Also a comment to other posts that have no replies wouldn’t hurt either.
This is my first post, so let me start off by saying, yes I am quite uh ‘suicidal’ and I have no idea what I’m doing here, or why I’m posting my personal thoughts here. I’ll post a bit about myself later because noone wants to read another 100 paragraphs of another […]
I’m still in love with my ex-girlfriend. We had an incredible relationship up to the point that I lost my son and depression took hold of me, we separated for a few months and got back together just as I lost my mother to a rapid cancer death. Depression took hold of me again and we separated in November last year. I have always been in love with her, throughout our time together and our time apart. I have never entertained the thought of being with anyone else.
We separated both times because I lost the ability to communicate and I had lost myself, the man […]
that little girl
she was so naive
didn’t know what life was
so sheltered as a kid
she forced herself
to learn alone
she made friends
some lied
some cried
some died
some succeeded
some failed
she was alone
she had to reach again..
where is that little girl?
shes had some growing up to do
grown up decisions led to adult consequences
she just didn’t learn
she tried so hard
she caved
she lit the lighter and inhaled
knowing the damage
4 months later she lost herself
her baby passed
and she cried
where oh where is the naive little girl?
she lifted up the clouds […]
Everything is falling apart.
I thought that things would change- this was supposed to be the best time of my life. This was supposed to be the time that, years from now, I look to and remember memories of joy, and happiness.
But it’s really not turning out like that.
To achieve this one goal of my life, I let go of many other things. I thought that, after getting to this goal, everything would fall into place. But in fact, the situation just got worse. After what seemed like the happiest day in a long time, every. single. thing. went downhill.
I used to maintain a sense of […]