I know I’m going to get expelled again. But this time I’m not going to wait to see it happen. I’m having my first exam (in this new university) on Monday. I’ll take it. And then I’ll end it. Even just now, instead of getting myself ready for the upcoming exam, I’m just sitting here and staring straight before me. Every moment sucks. Every damn moment. I can’t get over the thought that I’ve chosen the cheapest way to die, and the most ridiculous. Drowning myself in a laundry basin, bullshit, huh? I’ve even been working hard on it, made a few trial runs, to […]
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Watch Movies
I know for a fact that I get too emotionally involved when i watch movies/read books about depression/suicide/self harm. So why the hell do i still do it? When i do this i start to think of how shitty my life is. This makes me start to feel physically sick. They either make me feel like i have no reason whatsoever to be depressed and suicidal or they give me that false Hollywood hope. The characters always have some huge overwhelming problem that makes them depressed or whatever. Me? Well I’m just haunted by my past (been bullied badly), do poorly in school, rarely see […]
No one wants to be friends with a person that has hideous scars, or wears long sleeves all the time, or that enjoys rainy, gloomy days like me. My depression kills people. But i wouldnt be so depressed if I had friends. Someone that actually understands my pain..nobody wants to be friends with a girl that prefers the color black or that wants to stay in and watch movies. Nobody wants to be friends with that girl..that sits alone at the lunch table..waiting to breathe..waiting for someone to ask if the seat across from her is taken. No one wants to be friends with the girl […]
I’m 19 now and I’ve been obsessed with suicide for about 28 months (to be precise :P) I don’t remember how it began… when I was 16 I started feeling depressed, literally because I hated myself, especially my appearance. I remember crying every time I looked in the mirror and crying randomly in public. I didn’t tell anyone… I don’t like talking about my problems to people I know well. Another reason I hated myself so much was because I felt so odd. I got so frustrated with myself and my inability to hold a conversation. I didn’t ever think of suicide at that time […]