Well, isn’t this great. Just when my suicidal thoughts start to lessen, i start having homocidal ones. Last night I was looking at my little 5-year-old brother, who I love and adore. And then I started laughing like a freaking maniac. I didn’t know why I did. It just felt so good to laugh. I realised later why I laughed so demonically. It was because I wanted to kill him. I wanted to slit his throat. I don’t want to kill him, or anyone, for that matter now. I don’t know why…it was like I wasn’t even in control of myself. I just don’t […]
Tag:
What The Heck
I hate how inevitable it feels. Like, I can pretend all that I want to be happy or that I have purpose or whatever, but it doesn’t change my fate. Like I’m destined for suicide. It’s what I always come back to, and it’s getting harder and harder to say no to it anymore. I don’t want to say no. I just want to be done with all this pain, and this world only dishes out pain. It isn’t going to end in this lifetime, so it’s like my only shot is in the next. But shit, I’m a Christian, and suicide is a sin. Will […]
hello, well as you all know my life is a complete down buzz. if you dont well heres y… i have leukemia (cancer)
i get seriously bullied and no one cares about me. i have not told a living sole but i am planning my death and i need help…
i am seriously ugly now i have no hair and im always purpley blueish like a giant bruise. do you think if i was to dink half a bottle or more of bleech will it kill me i might even add in the meds i take. i wanna give up but then again i want help, what […]
There’s so much misery here, but it’s so nice outside. Things aren’t as they say in the paper and on the news. There are no bombs or psycho killers; just people trying to get by.
Why don’t I have anything to say… uhhhhh, I’m so confused right now. I’m hungry, have some broccoli and half a cucumber in the fridge, eggos in the freezer, apple on my table, but I don’t want any of it. I don’t want to move. Some stupid part of me thinks that if I sit here looking stupefied and feeling like a bag of crap for long enough, I’ll simply cease […]
Its weird how I check into this thing alot now throughout the day. I’m curious to see if other people are out there who feel even a fraction of what I feel.
Today was a very bad day. Its funny when you close your eyes at night thinking  tomorrow will be better, today was the worst it could get. But that wasn’t the case. To end of the horrible day, another Utopian moment happened. Followed by alot of sweet bbm’s and constant pings when a response wasnt received right away. However those are just more moments. False promises made in a moment never mean anything real. Chances are it was forgotten […]
No idea what to put as the title, so oh well.
I’m not 100% sure why I’m posting stuff up here, but sometimes, when you know you can’t go into it with anyone else, it just becomes a “What the heck, why not?” moment.
Now, just for a summary of things, I’m 23. I’m not prone to depression as a relative mental issue, nor am I prone to actual suicidal considerations or tendencies. The last time I even had a properly suicidal thought was in my mid teens, during a period in my life when everything was going completely in the dumper, after a half decade of […]
Well, to be honest I don’t know why I’m here. To be blunt some random guy in a gaming community suddenly linked me to this site out of the blue and I decided that what the heck, I’d share my story since I’ve had self-destructive if not suicidal thoughts lately.
My mother was my world, I was not close to any of my other immediate family members. She’d had cancer for nearly nine years when she finally passed away. My world and life collapsed. I spent a whole week doing nothing but lying in my room, I didn’t eat, I barely slept; I simply laid on […]