A couple years ago my life hit an all time low. I was emotionally shattered and the unrelenting world was closing in. I decided that I would take the step into the abyss. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t the first thing I tried. I had tried to get help from friends but I quickly became an outcast. I planned to drown myself. That evening I went out to an old bridge and sat on the edge watching the sun go down. Once the top of the sun was out of sight I stood up and took a step forward. The moment I hit the […]
Tag:
worst
It’s just m note that I was going to leave near… Just don’t expect much from it.
Why am I on this earth, if all I do is the same thing. Day after day all I do is repeat the last day, the only difference is that each day I get in a little more shit.
I feel like no one listens to me, and everyone is just there to bug me and stop me from being happy.
When I was doing various drugs, I was happy, and I could do my schoolwork without dying a little inside.
I should have been a girl, and not autistic.
Autism is […]
I’ve started on an antipsychotic to tone down my high anxiety levels, but they make me feel so sleepy and sedated I can’t do anything but sleep. This is probably a good thing because its a nice blackout from reality, but it means I have more moments in the day where I ‘wake up’, and waking up is the worst. I feel so low all the time; my family keep thinking i’m ‘making progress’ but I still feel exactly the same about everything. I still think about how I need that final end, that there isnt any other option for me. I’m only doing these […]
No but really I’m having the worst anxiety attack right now. And to add to it my mother wants to come into the session with me so she can meet the doctor. Now, I don’t have a problem with that because that’s what we’ve normally done for the past 4 crazy doctors, I just hope she isn’t going to make me out to be a basket case that needs to be seen every day…since, well, I am getting worse.
Sorry, I just don’t know what to do anymore. It gets to the point where you’re fucked over one too many times and they say “keep your head […]
Drinking an crying drinking and crying. filling up the empty bottle with tears so i can just pour it all over my psychiatrists nice rug tomorrow and say “Thats how i feel” but he wouldn’t get it.
You know the worst and maybe greatest feeling i’ve discovered in this amazing life, is the feeling you get when you realise you gotta take control of your own death. That strong burning sensation you get on the wrist’s that trickling blood feeling behind the eyes, so much passion and euphoria. which sadly is designed to be short lived, for reasons we all know.
Sorry I’m in a mood. 70% […]
So I just experienced the worst part of my day. Waking up. It’s 1pm and i just woke up. I was dreaming. My favorite pass time.
I honestly don’t enjoy anything else in life. Dreaming is an escape from life…from the depression. I can’t seem to find joy in anything else. I stopped taking my depression medication. I honestly didn’t see any difference.
whaterver…
is my mothers birthday and the anniversary of my fathers death. I haven’t said happy birthday to my mother in 7 years. It is not a joyous day, so I don’t think there is any point in saying it. It makes me feel horrible but I literally can’t find it in me to say it. And Mother’s Day is not too far behind. Worst daughter of the year.
The past 8 years of my life I have progressively developed worse and worse depression. This past year has pushed me over the edge to wear I have gotten to the point I can’t deal with the pain anymore. The worst is I lost the love of my life because she didn’t think it was fair for us to never see each other. I waited 6 years to be wit hthis girl and for the past year and a half, I had her. I know this is probably really weak reason to be pushed over the edge, but she was the girl I wanted my […]
When I was young I prayed to god to ‘look after my family, send angels to protect them and if he had to, take my life instead of theirs so I wouldn’t endure the pain of their loss’ I prayed the same prayer for almost ten years, for a child with no life experience I couldn’t help but obsess over this worst pain scenario?
Last night I screamed. For the first time in a long time I tried to scream out all my pain, no noise came out though. The sense of reality forced a shit load of tears instead. My swollen eyes made it hard […]
You probably couldn’t care less to other people’s struggles because you got your own problems, but maybe we’re facing the same situation.I’m almost 18 now, and I’ve been struggling with my appearance since 13.It’s one of countless reasons why I feel depressed and suicidal.I’m a skinny pale shit, I have acne for 5 years, I hate my hair, and so on.People are always criticizing me : “You’re ugly!”; “You should get a tanning, ugly corpse!”; Your acne blemishes are horrible”; “You’re so skinny and look like a girl, an ugly girl!”.And the worst it’s that it’s truth, a harsh bitter truth.I try to ignore their […]
Unlike the majority of people think, suicide is not for the cowards.We know it requires strengh and bravery.I’m so weak and exhausted, I couldn’t even pull a trigger or take some poison X_X.I spent the last week oon the bed, I can barely stand to brush my teeth.I dunno, I think the worst part of it all is that since the last year I’ve been thinking : “Today I’ll commit suicide!”.I got everything I need, but I STILL don’t have enough courage.My life sucks and I’m still here, there’s something wrong with me, I think I’d better avoid this suffering.And everybody here is so sick […]
I always knew how things were going to turn out. I didn’t quite know when but I knew how. I knew that if something didn’t happen that caused my death, It would happen by my hands. I honestly do not have the courage to do it and I admire the people who do. I just thought that if things got bad enough, I would find the courage. Though I have not yet found it, I feel that I am close.
I am convinced that I am loosing it. In the past couple of years, I have just become such an angry human being that I have […]
I look at what choices i have. i can let it take me under or fight back. ive fought for a decade or more. my insides are shutting down like its preparing for the worst. ive researched meds that can be lethal. i look one last time and ask myself who is out there to care for someone like me. im on my death bed but im the captain. im ready.
So very alone. So very sick.
I’m running out of hope, and maybe that’s not the worst thing.
I’m sitting on my couch, in my underwear, after binging on food. I’m still binging on food. I feel disgusting and overwhelmed, surrounded by the grime of my house, a house I’m unable to care for no matter what I do.
I don’t know if it’s right for me to write here. What if I trigger someone to go through with their own suicide? It’s difficult to stop obsessively caring.
I don’t know if I can stay alive much longer. I don’t know if it’s right for me to. Some people […]
New poem. Had some help this time from SP’s very own Chataway.
Like usual, poem is beneath the audio for those that can’t decipher an Australian accent.
Tears
Bullfrog:
So it’s taken me a while but I’ve come to a realisation
that the worst thing one can have in life is expectations.
It’s like a revelation that all the heartache in my life has been of my own creation.
Being broke wouldn’t be a disappointment if I hadn’t expected wealth
and finding it difficult to move wouldn’t dismay had I not expected health.
Being lonely wouldn’t tear at the heart of my very worth had I never trusted and […]
Giving someone false hope is the worst…
It’s been about 9 months since I’ve posted anything. I wish I could say it’s because things have changed and gotten better, but that’s not the case. Things have gotten worse. I’ve started cutting. A lot. Very few people know. It’s easy for me to hide it because I do it on my thighs and stomach. The only person who knows that I know in real life, is my boyfriend. He has depression and has been through tough times too, but he’s never done anything like this. I feel bad, because I know I’m ruining my body for him, but I still can’t stop. It’s […]
I feel this weird combination of hate and depression. I hate everyone else, yet I feel depressed every time I see them (my “friends”). What hurts me the most is the fact that nothing really really bad has happened to me, yet I feel very depressed and sad. I shouldn’t. There are people who are in a worst situation than me. But I can’t get over that feeling. I feel alone, yet maybe I’m not. Maybe I should be happy, but I don’t feel happy. I feel really sad.
I’ve been told like a million times things like “Get over it. I think you’re the one […]
Every night I cry because of the disappointment I cause. The burden I put on others, the loathing I direct at myself, It only leads to a life of sadness and despair. I’ve made my brother a monster, I made my father believe that I am just another mistake, and worst of all, I made my own mother cry because of my failures, and she believes it’s her fault, when it’s really my own mistake. When they ask for help, I don’t even have the energy to respond. And now I believe that I can never fix it, so I believe suicide is the only […]
They say it’s a safe haven.That you won’t have to worry. You can always talk to someone. They are so wrong. Because there really is no place to be safe. But this place is the worst. You will be worried for years. Until you leave this place for good. But for now you have to go there each day and then go home scared for the next. People don’t listen here. They take power of your fear. They can completely ruin your life. You can’t escape it. Everyone goes. It’s a life sentence. Here is your hell. Where your life can be destroyed. If I […]