I really don’t know what to say here. I feel fucking stupid doing this. It’s all too much to explain and talk about all in one sitting. I’m seriously fucked up I guess. I can barely bring myself to type the words, let alone speak them. I am not someone who has been unhappy my whole life. This is something fairly new to me. There is this whole history of psychological abuse that has happened in recent years. It’s made me not trust anyone. I feel like I’m constantly in a dark room with no sound except my own breathing. I try to open up to people but they always want to hurt me. I think I am living in a world of demons. I don’t know why god is doing this to me. I need help. I need a new start. I want to disappear from all the these things I hate that revolve around me. I’m the center of all these demons vision. Maybe I will never shed this pain. It feels like it’s burrowing down inside my heart and corrupting my very soul and when I think about what I might become if I ever let that wall down. I’m barely still me in here. I don’t know how long I can fight it. If anyone out there needs someone to talk to and can help me get set up somewhere new I would do just about anything. I can’t live like this much longer. I have family but I will not be a burden to them any longer. I really don’t expect anyone to understand. I don’t think talking about it would help anyway. I indulge the idea because I just want something to work. Nothing ever works. I’m pathetic. Nothing feels real anymore. I’m slipping away. The stories in this forum are truly sad. I empathize with each and every one of you. I wish I could help you. I know now what it feels like to be broken. Nobody should ever feel this way.
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Don’t feel stupid typing things up. I been reading people pose for a long time, and a couples years ago, I just decided to make an account. People on here understand what we’re going through. Venting out things is good. I always felt alone because no one knows I felt but, people here do and it helps. So all I can say is just keep going.
I’m sorry that life has finally took off her veil and revealed to you the monster that she really is. However I am glad you posted your thoughts here. You’ll find a lot of caring individuals who are willing to help you as much as they can through a computer screen, myself included. Also, your presence here indicates a willingness to try, which is something that many others lack. Hold onto that for dear life. Hold onto God, your anger for Him, your doubt in Him, any feelings you have towards Him, because in that you acknowledge your faith and hope in something greater than the pain you currently face.
If you want to talk about specific aspects of your situations I know many of us on SP would be willing to hear you out. Feel free to post here, or come to us on an individual basis. My e-mail is alexis.maxlab@gmail.com
Feel better…:)
(Don’t mind me, I’m unusually optimistic tonight!)
Thank you for listening. I will keep your email in mind. I just don’t think it would help right now.
It’s okay. Just letting you know we’re here for ya. Praying for your peace of mind.
i read your story and it felt like i was reading a page from my life story, i’m not saying i know what your going through because no one person is the same, but i truely sympathise with you i joined this site 2 years ago when i was in real trouble and it helped, and each time i feel like i’m alone and need someone or if i just need to vent i come on here or i just write letter’s (and don’t send them) and store them in a shoe box (thats very well hidden). We’re like a family here and we look out for each other on this site. so whenever you need to talk we’re here for you.