Why am i here? Why am I alive? I feel as if i’m alone. An if that’s the case the I WANT TO KILL MYSELF RIGHT NOW !!!
The person I want to be is the one that has a great life because he has actual friends and a family that loves and supports him in his decision. But I know for a fact I have none of that. An i’ll tell you why.
I am not a social person. Iv’e spent my whole time after school at home not with friends. When I try to make friends I end up either trying too hard or just don’t know how to make a connection with the person. I even pretend the people I mostly talk to are my friends. But in the end they’re just classmate the i’ll either see them next year or won’t see them again. I’m so lonely that I resorted to go suicide and almost succeeded. But didn’t and ended up crying even asking god the person that I don’t do anything for, for help me with my wishes. An that wish was to have friends right away….
My parents do not love each other at all. Sure they might show some love time to time but they’re just playing around. Their only together for me and my brother. My mom does not support me at all unless I want to be a Nurse. An my dad doesn’t play the parent role or the dad role. He is currently in a different country trying to make a business. Leaving my mom taking care of my grandpa, grandma, little brother, and I. For all I know I don’t care at all about family love anymore.
All I want is my life to get better than this stupid lonely horrible fucking life. After finishing this post I might have felt better but in the end this suicidal feeling will come again. And as each time comes again I would have been able to kill myself. Good Bye…
2 comments
you aren’t alone, i know it may feel like you are but i promise you aren’t. i’m not super religious or anything but i know god has his reasons as to why we continue breathing when all we want is to die. it fucking sucks to not have family be what they’re supposed to be, supportive being example trust me i know. if you find a way to hang in there you will be able to have a great life and along with it will come friends. if you feel you truly don’t have any friends that doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something wrong with you it can simply mean there aren’t any people worthy enough for your friendship. try asking god to help you understand things better and to help you be a better person regardless of how you’re treated by anyone but especially those closest to you. i’m not sure your relationship with your little brother but i’m sure he needs you. i really hope you hang in there and things will get better for you and if things get worse try talking to god he’ll help you in ways that may not be what you’re asking for specifically but he will help you.
I’m nor religious either. But I need someone I can actually talk to in person. right now i’m feeling a little bit better. Talking got the girl I made me want to keep on living and keep moving forward. But is that OK for me to talk to someone I like not just to make myself feel better to keep me away from killing myself but to also make a Bf and Gf relationship?