Life goes so fast. Why throw it away?

What do I want to do with my brief time on this wonderful planet? I mean life goes so fast. Why throw it away?

Except that all I really want right now is to not feel this anymore. Loneliness. Fear. Isolation. Loss. Self-hatred. Longing. Emptiness. Anger.

There are so many interesting things I could be doing with my time. But nothing means anything anymore. Nothing feels worthwhile. Whatever I’m doing, my underlying feelings remain focused on the life I can’t live.

How can you function, and not descend into destructive behavior, when regardless of what you do, there’s this hole inside sucking in all your attention?

Drinking doesn’t help. Distraction doesn’t help. Exercise doesn’t help. Therapy doesn’t help. Planning activities doesn’t help. Music doesn’t help. Looking at beautiful sunsets doesn’t help. Eating doesn’t help. Working doesn’t help.

There’s a point where it all just falls away, and you’re too tired to keep trying to fill the void with insubstantial crap.