10 days left

And I still can’t do anything.
It doesn’t even feel like something big hanging over my head, I know it’s coming, I know there is probably several possibilities to avoid it, but at this point, I just don’t care anymore.

I thought maybe the closer it got and it would be that kick in the butt I needed to do something, do anything. Instead it’s just more of the same, the days are the same as they’ve always been. But it doesn’t upset me, it doesn’t even worry me, I know it’s going to happen, and I realize what it means. And I still just don’t care.

In 10 days I’m going to be evicted and penniless, end up in the street with absolutely nothing left. And I don’t care.
Realistically I know, that without food or shelter from the coming weather, that it will result in death, and the only thing I’m thinking about doing to prevent it, is to end my life before, on my own terms. Otherwise I just don’t care.

I know some would do something else to prevent something like that, but all I got is: “best case scenario, and it’s just going to be more of the same.” Each day the same **** as the previous. I figure 27 years wasn’t such a bad run after all, I gave it a shot. I just don’t care enough to try more.

I have nothing left in me to give, getting up shouldn’t have to require every ounce of physical and mental strength left in the body every time.
Enough noises, voices, feelings, confusion, pain, guilt and despair. If there was a chance it could be better, or something could work, there would have been some slight change over the years. I gave it my best, and that just wasn’t adequate enough at all. I accepted that, and stopped caring.
All there is left is to just lay down give up and not waste any effort on trying to get up anymore and just fade away.

Over the years I’ve found this my nice place to visit, never posted before until a few days ago, not even commented. Didn’t feel it was my place to, and wouldn’t risk tainting it with “me”.
But here and there there would be a post or comment that would give me something in someway. So I thought before the 10 days were up I’d leave something behind on here. A little about me maybe, how I think of all you guys, and that I’m grateful for for this site and all of you.
I never thanked any of you for the things you say here, so before the days run out and I won’t be able: Thank you all
Thank you for sharing, thank you for trying to help or comfort when we come here.
Thank you for the time to have on SP.
Thank you all for all the posts made and thank you for keep on posting in the future.
Thank you for being You

Thank You