If I ever had a reason, the time is now.

I am too fucking old to go through losing my home and going down the ghetto life’s road with welfare, being homeless and all that shit. I’ve done this too many times. In the last week I’ve lost my job of over ten years, crashed my car and lost my medical insurance. Believe it or not the loss of medical coverage is the most devastating. COBRA costs almost $1000 a month to continue my coverage – not a viable option without a job. So now I sit, waiting for my medications to run out and decisions on unemployment insurance, O’ Blotto Care and the like. Without going into the gory details, it’s like standing against a concrete wall waiting for the firing squad to pull the trigger.

I should be so fucking lucky.

I probably have enough pain medication to take the plunge. But I just don’t have the courage. I need the courage to do what I need to do and it eludes me. So I’ve just stayed in bed for the last two days with no energy to get up, no appetite and no desire to change. I can’t stand being in my own presence – it disgusts me.

Why the hell can’t we just dry up and blow away when we lose the will to live?