I just want to begin with that I am an atheist, science is my only faith. So DO NOT GIVE ME ANY RELIGIOUS BULLSH*T. But to get down to it, I can’t deal with this existence anymore. I am weak. I am not capable of being, I am nowhere near strong enough. I hate this world, I hate myself and who I have become. I don’t want to be a part of this bullsh*t anymore. I have had a wonderful upbringing. Every opportunity has been afforded to me. I have no reason to feel this way. I have a bright outlook, academically and professionally. I’ve lost so much, the only important people in my life. I have thrown away the last two, who were the most important, who I damn well should have known that i was forsaking. I was just blind. How can I WANT to keep on going? Because I DON’T. I know I am not the only one to feel like this. I wish I had the courage to fall to the pavement, to finally jump. I have picked the locks onto the roofs to the two tallest buildings on my campus, and I just look over the edge, I can’t bring myself to jump. I envy those who have the balls to step over the ledge. I don’t want to live, but I am too much of a f*cking coward to pull the trigger. My question is: How do I find the courage to live, or find the courage to die?
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Dear DoneWithThisWorld,
Forgive me for it has been some time since i have been on this site and i am not familiar with your past posts, if you may have had any.
Who have you thrown away? You were blind too what exactly?
The last post I had was about a year ago under a different name, spilling my soul to the vast anonymous interwebs , and not one person even responded. But anyways, I had a wife and son. Those are the two I lost sight of. I was too damn wrapped up in the struggle to get through my Phd. She bailed, took my son and left the state. I am now alone in this literally empty apartment with nothing but netflix and the ghosts of what I threw away.
Not being a wise ass when i ask this next question, if someone would of told you to pay much more attention to your wife and child, would you have? Career goals and grades can be very encompassing.
It is an honest question. I don’t think i would have even listened to the advice because I had no idea that I was doing it. I was in total denial of being such a bad father and husband. You don’t know what you have, what is truly important, until it just up and leaves.
I agree with both parts of your answer based on experiences in my past. So, life has a way of teaching the most valuable lessons the fastest through pain. Your wife must have also deal with an equal pain in leaving you. Not necessarily the exact type, but pain is pain. Fortunately, she chose leaving that enviroment over a permanent check out. We screw up. That doesn’t mean that you can’t be a positive support for your child and her going forward. You don’t need to hate yourself over misdeeds of the past. Learn from it and adjust your actions of the future. You don’t need to die because of this. This would not be benificial to to your child. You should Google the studies of suicide rates for children of patents that Commited. That alone is eye opening
I’ve seen them, that is not much solace since he will probably never see me again. He will probably never hear of any choice I make. I am absolutely lost in this universe.
Can you explain the basis of that reply? He must be a toddler or so. Seems to me that there would a court order for equal time among responsible adults. Excessive Working and studies really don’t seem like a no contact judgement
I don’t know what to do, she moved to another state. I realize it is a federal felony what she did. But if I do go through the courts, the outcome would be that he sees me trying to tear him from his mother, and then she hates me even more. I still love her as i did the day we met, I will never have her again. I love him even more, and she doesn’t want me to see him again. Anything I do from here on out is just selfish and/or meaningless. Like I said, I don’t know what to do. I see only one way out with any dignity.
I’m not sure this will help, but I am going through a similar situation with being in one state and my young children in another. It is an extremely hard thing to do, but you must fight to be in your son’s life even if it is for short bits of time. You do have parenting rights and how the mother feels about you really doesn’t matter anymore. You must think about the effect on your son. Parent alienation is one of the most harmful things you can do to a child in these situations and your wife is participating in this harm. I also went through a bit where I thought, “They are better off without such a failure of a mom…” and my ex perpetuated these feelings in me by shitting on me to a point I felt worthless and better out of my kids’ lives. But then I started to notice that my babies were suffering and, above all, your son (or mine) do not deserve this, they deserve to love and care for whomever is in their lives. Research “Parent Alienation” and the harms on children and send it to your wife.
Call him regularly even if the heartbreak hits your heart like a hammer when you speak to your wife. Petition the courts to allow you parenting time with distance as a factor. Most states have online guidelines for this to help create a parenting plan.
It will suck. It will suck afterwards. But if you want your child in your life, then prepare yourself for the fight the best you can. I have (and still routinely have as I am still fighting myself) many moments of taking my life to help stop the pain and heartache of only having small amounts of parenting time, it truly sucks and we have a horribly unbalanced family justice system. Sadly, the courts do not care at all. We must fight for own children alone and without the proper tools, but I hope I have given you at least a couple to try. I’m sorry you are going through this shit.
You are definitely in a challenging situation. Not terminal though. I believe there are blinders on your eyes as there are many ways to continue with dignity with regard to your boy and wife. You have two very powerful assets that i see right off the starting line. Love for both your wife and child, plus acknowledging where the majority of the fault arose from. You will have to find the boundary where you will still treat your wife /former wife with respect but not allow her to take advantage of you or the situation. This may mean, calls /certified letters /lawyers to inform her of both your rights. There is dignity in treating ones that have hurt you with lover and respect. Then there is the matter of your son and how he is educated and introduced to the world. If you are gone that is a 50 percent reduction if not more of resources to teach him.
I want to so bad. I just don’t have the resources to do so. There is no lawyer in this land who would take my case. I am already $115,000 in debt with student loans and make less than a waiter. I don’t even know exactly where she went.
You are smart and educated. Everything is available online for you to go pro se. You can do this! Start by going to both of the states you reside in and look at the procedures for petitioning the courts. If she has not filed herself in the state she is now, file immediately for provisional custodial rights (or divorce if that is enivitable). This will give you the home court advantage. I know that sounds cold and it is. I had it done to me. However, it also gave him the advantage. If she has filed for primary custody, you will have to travel, but you can do it!
Family lawyers are a huge part of the problem with family law. I have been taken advantage of by them, yelled at and threatened them when I questioned their work and had them literally steal from me. His lawyer is a bully and nickel and dimes us both to get the “win”. Try this alone first because I agree that you have the advantage of love on your side and this may all be better for your little boy if the more loving one has the court advantage.
Have you told her parents to get in touch with her and have her declare the whereabouts of your child or you will have to resort to involving law enforcement for the safe return of your child. Are you also ready for a potential shock that she may be involved with another individual. Granted that does not justify child abducting.
As far as another man, I have already assumed that. I don’t want to get the law involved for the sole reason that it would be far more detrimental to him than beneficial to me. He is better off without me in this world.