So I came across this site randomly whilst looking for ways to overcome anxiety and how to stop being a failure.
I had an amazing job, I screwed it up with my depression. I lost a baby back in 2011, a baby that was wanted so much. I had suffered with depression years before that but the minute I found out i was going to be a mum it was like my life was perfect and all the grey clouds had lifted. But there was a problem with the pregnancy and I had to terminate on medical grounds at 20 weeks. She wouldn’t survive, her lungs wouldn’t develop properly. She was beautiful, my life went worse than it was before. I started taking days off work for depression, it turned into weeks and months until eventually they got fed up and fired me. I took a year to myself and tried to “get better”.
Mi thought I had overcome my demons so got myself back into work. My partner even got a job with me in the new place and the hours are great, all morning shifts just how I like, the people are awesome too. But it’s back. Anxiety and depression. I worked two weeks before I had to take time off. I’ve now had 3 weeks off. The manager is really understanding he could quite easily rip up my contract as I’m still in my probation period. But he has given us a lot of chances. I’m on my final chance to show up this morning or he really will rip it up. I can’t manage it. I’m getting chest pains, the rooms spinning I feel sick to the bone and my palms are sweating. My mind is literally going into overdrive. It’s not only my job on the line it’s my partners. I’m letting him down too as well as my work colleagues. Why am I such a failure.
Mi just want to get back to normal. Even having a baby seems impossible. We have been trying since the loss of our other child to conceive but no luck. It just seems it’s not meant to happen. I want to be working, I want to have a family, I want a normal life again.
To make things even worse my partners ex is constantly rubbing it in and make our life hell using their daughter as a weapon to him. It’s bad enough that they’re still married. I just feel like I’m second best. He wants to marry me but his divorce still hasn’t come through. I can’t shake off that I’m going to be his “2nd” wife. Have his “2nd” child. I just feel 2nd best. Even his family are completely besotted with her rather than there own son. All because they know if they don’t side with her she will stop access to the little girl.
Someone please help me I’m going out of my mind!
5 comments
Calm down.
You must go there. Just, simply, must.
Deep breath.
What’s scaring you?
You’re not alone. Many people have gone through the same situation as you’re doing now.
Stop overthinking. It’s the worst thing you can do.
It seems that you have a lot kind people around you. Seize their kindness before it flies away.
Please try to understand this second woman…how would you feel if your husband started new life, leaving you alone? That’s the situation of my family…
You’re not the second. There’s no first or second; your partner is still with you, so you must be really important to him.
You’ve stumbled upon a door where your mind is the key. There is no one who can lend you guidance; these trials are yours to conquer alone. Finding what you seek will require more than mere logic and strategy, because the criteria are just as hidden as what they reveal. Find yourself, and you will find the very answers you are looking for.
Consider where you are in life, what you are hoping will happen in a realistic way. I’m not a doctor or psychiatrist but Unfortunately, I’ve come to learn there style. It was only recently one of them accused me of having a ‘personality disorder’ so I sacked him. Really? what did he think was going happen with that sort of attitude. Anyway, as you might be a more standard case they’ll probably be able to help you more than me. It might be worth seeing a Doc as they will be able to ask you more personal questions with a view to treatment that you’d otherwise get from a bunch of suicidal people on the internet.
You will need to:
1) Let go of your loss. My nan lost two children at a very young age and there are a lot of people out there who have very similar experiences. You’ll need counselling for that.
2) You say you had underlying depression. Ensure that your doctor does not overlook this. Why they tend to do is dismiss everything other than the obvious which is why they’ll probably say you’ve got some kind of PTSD because that’s the most obvious connection. They say “blame it on the boogie”. Did you know doctors really are amongst the highest paid professionals in the country. They sometimes use a lot of procedure and read tape to delay matters without actually doing anything because like us, they want to sit there and collect the dough. Imagine your a doctor and you get a patient with mental problems walk through the door. You’re prayers have been answered because you’ve got a nice easy one to palm off onto someone else.
3) Back to what I was saying, you sound like someone who has lost their marbles for sure but you’ll also need to consider whether you want to be with your. First you might want to raise the issue and say “this is how I feel, did you know that” or something along those lines. Usually people in your situation tend to stick it out because of age and other factors but I really think and do not underestimate the importance of this; take pride in your appearance. Not only will you feel better about yourself but also exploring other possibilities.
4) If all else fails and I mean everything, there is a number and email address for a witchdoctor on here who has received many testimonials from people he has helped in similar situations. It’s a longshot, very risky because sometimes I’ve heard these people put a curse on you so that you keep going back so be careful when choosing this option.
I omitted the word portner…partnnnnnner….part_er otherwise my comment would have gone into mod. ‘I suggested you consider whether you wanted to be with your porter’. Where not aloud to say partn_r anymore because this site is actually a failed dating site. The owners then became suicidal resulting in the change but the resentment toward the word ‘partn_er’ persisted and that’s why we can’t use it anymore. This site certainly has an interesting past.
Becky,
I am so sorry for your loss. As a parent I’ve been there and in the same situation as well as having one that had persistent fetal circulation and after 11 days in the ICN we hadn’t yet been given a prognosis. I also know very well what it is like to have the most important person in my life treat me as “second” – someone once said “First is first. And second is nothing.”
Anxiety and depression can be devastating. None of us needs help feeling like we are useless and inept. Some of us can keep that dream alive all by ourselves.
As much as you may not feel or grasp this, you are worthy and deserving of being cherished and cared for by someone you love. I wish I could stand with you and help you say that over and over again to yourself in front of a mirror because it is absolutely true. You see, it doesn’t matter who else we think we’ve let down. Someone that truly loves you can’t really be let down because they accept and respect you for who you are. Not what you can or cannot do.
Please try and focus on what you need and want, and search for what it would take for you to not let YOU down. You have faced some some terrifically difficult times. And you can draw strength from that. Sometimes the hardest thing is to stand up for yourself – I sense that you might need to tell your partner that he needs to keep his drama and his ex out of your life.
But more than anything, please try to love, honor and respect yourself. When you can do that, others can see your inner strength and it can carve out a path for those you need to support, respect and love you for who you are. I know I am no stellar example of this but I know from experience that when you build that sort of foundation it is not only much harder for people and circumstances to knock you down but you will attract the right people – people that can love you in the ways you truly deserve.
– peace
I too lost my first born 3/16/2011 I am a second wife my son was my husbands second child. I returned to work for about a week after losing my son but just couldn’t do it.. I also feel second best… If you would like message me privately let me know I might not have all the words but I am here to listen!