its probably really fucking nasty of me, but i cant handle it, fuck it, my friend, one of my best actually, refuses to get help, and i understand that its scary but he cant use me as that person i cant help him anymore, its making me more suicidal than i would be if he just got help. he needs it but instead lays all that weight, that pressure on me when i know i cant help him like he needs.
i cant help him when or how he needs it and it makes me feel worse, i just want to end it so i dont have to feel that, and yea thats super fucking selfish and i deserve to feel like this im a fucking disgusting person. he was fine before he met me, then he started self harming after he saw mine and god its all my fault, im fucking scum,
12 comments
You are one person and you can only do so much. In life, you have to put yourself first because, if you don’t, nothing really matters. You can encourage your friend, supply advice and encouragement, etc. but you can’t force. At the end of the day, just know that you did the best you could. You’re not disgusting and I’m sure that you ending it isn’t the answer.
but if he dies cause i couldnt help him, i wouldnt be able to live with myself, maybe if i were to end it, his family could convince him he needs some therapy maybe oh idk i just know it hurts to even talk to him anymore because i know im somewhat at least partly responsible for opening his doors to this miserable world. i brought that hurt on him to some degree at least. oh i dont know anymore
Perhaps you’re being hard on yourself. Often, people’s coping strategies are relatively steady over time. I wouldn’t blame yourself for how he’s reacting. There is a good chance he was born with or previously acquired the behaviors he’s showing. That doesn’t make it easier to deal with but it should eliminate any personal blame. You can only do so much for other people. By all means, be there for them. But if you’re not taking care of yourself, how can you take care of someone else? He may need help. That help doesn’t have to be concentrated in one source (you). It might actually be better for more resources to support him, both in the short-term and the long-term.
ive tried telling him i cant help him like he needs, im too scared to tell him i cant shoulder it all, ive tried pointing him in the right directions he just wont listen and recently if i even suggest he talk to someone else he starts apologizing and its horrible because i know im the only on he talk to about this but at the same time i know its affecting me negatively i just dont want him to take any suggestion of getting outside help as me not wanting to know, which he has in the past, especially now, because hes literally on a knifes edge. i just dont know how to get him to listen without him feeling worse for it
Perhaps, once he realizes that you’re serious about the other directions and outside help, he’ll make an effort to follow the advice. It’s difficult to change habits in life and, to be honest, it’s much easier to rely on someone who is in your comfort zone. If it’s affecting you negatively then you have to, for your own sake, maintain the line. With that said, if he’s in imminent harm, doing the right thing would be to reach out to crisis assistance for him. While I think you need to put yourself first, I’m not suggesting you just sit there and watch. If he needs help in a moment of crisis, get him the help. Don’t forget about yourself, though. Hopefully, you’re working on that, too.
maybe he will understand i get how much easier it is to rely on those exclusivly in his comfortzone, i was the same until a few years ago, but mine was always spread amoungst a group of people.i just, i hope he will understand ,theres only so much of this i can handle and i promised i wouldnt try this year. i swore to myself and a friend that this would be the year i stopped. it just seems harder and harder the closer to the end of it we come
It’s a little easier then things are spread amongst a group. Nobody gets overwhelmed and you get different responses. Everybody thinks differently and it’s helpful to have unique opinions. At some point, he’ll have that. We all go through our rough moments in life. I’m sure he understands that you have personal limits and I’m sure he respects you. The year isn’t over yet. Being determined will definitely help you.
edit: >> It’s a little easier WHEN things are spread amongst a group.
im sure he does too, thankyou, it meant alot to talk this out x
You’re welcome. Anytime. This is a good site for support.
Yeah you have to stop being haardon yourself. If you have a friend that refuses to get help for themselves then there is nothng you can do bouot it. You can only try to help and point them in the right drection. But if they dont take it or go for it. That is thier ultimate descision. You cannot live another person life for them. You can only offer help and advice. Some people are stubborn or to proud to admit they need help. Dont beat yourslef up over it. You do what you can…. if that person turns self destructiv its not your fault.
I would just let that person know you are there to talk about things if they want to and then leave it at that. You can lead horse to water but you cant make him drink.
You a god person. If somebody you know doesnt want help that does not change who you are.
Your a kind soul trying to help. at some point people need to helpthemselves.
You can’t blame yourself for this. Your friend needs to help himself a little in order to get the help that he needs to continue onward! In my humble opinion, if he valued your friendship as much as you valued him, he’d see your pain and at least try getting some help for your sake.
In the end, it’s better to let people like him go, or at least distance yourself a little! From reading everything you typed above, it seems that he expects you to be there no matter what. Proving him otherwise can make all the difference.
You aren’t scum. I’ve met those in my life who would truly be considered such, and you certainly don’t fit the bill! You’re a friend who truly cares for someone who is in dire need of aid, and if I can notice this in you, someone who knows nothing more than what you’ve posted here, then the others who are actually in your life will see that tenfold!
Please stay strong!