I’m sick of this. I found someone who I love, and she’s been incredible enough to let me into her life. It’s not easy for her, because of her past, but she managed to let me become a large part of her life, before deciding she needed to focus on herself, and couldn’t sustain any sort of relationship. I’m okay with that.
What I’m not okay with is the fact that her past doesn’t stay in her past. She’s been abused since she was a child. She has PTSD and anxiety and depression because of it. She flashes back, she relives that pain constantly, she never escapes. It’s always there. It’s always looming. To ground herself when she’s having a bad episode, she’ll self harm. It gives her control and something else to focus on. She is trying her best to hold herself together.
He did this to her. He’s a monster. He would sexually assault her and record it to put on the internet. He would continue to follow her to college and sexually assault her. She went home, and it happened again. The world is a fucking awful place. She’s one of the kindest people I know. This woman has a heart of something I know not, but she loves with reckless abandon. She feels for the world and all of it’s pains. She literally would never hurt a fly, because she respects life that much. She aches for the pains others go through, and this GOOD, has been put through such pain, I can’t abide.
There are few things or people in this world that I can with certainty call good. Most people have shortcomings, but she is a saint if there ever was one. I cannot live in a world where someone like her is subjected to a monster like that filth. I can’t live in a world like this. I don’t understand why this is happening, and I hate that I can’t do a damn thing to stop it, and I’m so sick of feeling helpless and there aren’t words!
THERE AREN’T WORDS FOR THE INJUSTICE. I CANNOT FIX THE WORLD, SO I CHOOSE TO LEAVE IT.
2 comments
The world isn’t perfect, nor is it fair and horrible things happen. That is why we need good, feeling, caring people like yourself. You can’t fix it on your own, no one can. But there are lots of people out there trying to make the world a better place. I know there is something that you can contribute somewhere even if it won’t fix everything, it will go towards achieving a goal greater than yourself. Know that you are sorely needed, don’t waste your life.
Thank you so much, for your words. It just seems like I’ll never be able to stop horrible things from happening, so why should I force myself to continue on in their presence? I don’t like who I am when these things come up; it’s ugly, and I’m terrified that if I continue on, reacting like that is going to CAUSE something horrible. I would so much rather die before I caused something like this.