All I ever want is to go back to feeling normal. But I haven’t felt normal since I was 5. My dad killed himself when I was 6, and my mum remarried. When I was 8, my stepdad began to sexually abuse me, all the way through to the age of 17. I self harmed and was seriously depressed throughout this whole ordeal. The abuse happened almost every day, in every room of the house. I’m 19 now and he is in prison, but I can’t get away from the mental, physical and emotional scars and trauma that I’m left with. I want to feel normal. I want people to stop looking at me like I’m fragile, or a victim, to treat me normally. But in reality , I’m always going to be this freak. This freak with no skills, only good for one thing. I want my life to be over. Now.
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Luke, I want to feel normal too. I understand how you feel and where you’re coming from. My stepdad abused me for years and even though he’s not longer in my life, he still haunts my present in many, many ways.
Unfortunately, he’s not in jail like yours. He’s out there, free, being happy while I deal with the scars of the things he did to me.
Idk how to escape these feelings, I wish I knew how so I could offer some advice, but I can’t. I just want you to know you’re not alone in this.
I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been through. Have you spoken with a counselor or therapist?
You’re not always going to be in the place you are now (and you are not a freak, even if you seem to think it). Sadly, when pain and bad situations have prolonged for most of a person’s life, it takes quite some time and soul searching to recover what they’ve lost.
Like Mark_1981 mentions you could see a therapist or counselor, because when abuse has been going for so long it’s really difficult to deal with it on your own. Keep in mind that only two years have passed since it stopped, so it’s normal that you feel how you describe. As for feeling normal… actually i was thinking about that earlier, and sometimes we even forget how feeling normal actually feels (because we haven’t felt like that in so long). I really hope that you can regain that back in due time.
I think you should go to a therapist or counselor or psychologist. I’m sorry for what happened but I hope you’d find friends in your real world. My counselor told me that even how much I hate people, I had to accept what they had become. And I should learn to accept it myself, maybe not now but soon. I know how difficult that is I’m always called weird and it’s like some people say it in a funny way and that’a okay, because they would be some people who’d accepted me even I was this weird before. I hope you find yours. I’m still am not fine though but i hope you’d be fine asap