im not even supposed to be alive right now. i had planned to kill myself almost two weeks ago now and i dont know why i cant pile up the courage to just do it. everyday i wake up and dying is the only thing i can think about but when it comes to it, its like my body wont let me. and then i wake up the next morning feeling even shittier than the last and i really just cant take this anymore. it feels like the universe wont even let me to but my heart is in physical pain. i was going to try a different method then the last time and try swallowing cherry pits, but the grocery store closest to me doesnt have any. ):< i just want to die is that too much to ask!!?!!
6 comments
I’m sorry that you’re in so much pain. I don’t know what it is exactly but I can sense it from your writing. If I may ask, have you spoken with someone about your feelings? Depending on where you are they can be options and it would be a tragedy for you to go without at least trying a few options out…. that is of course if you haven’t explored them already.
I won’t go into methods or anything like that, these are easy enough to find online. I feel for you though…. I send you my thoughts and love.
ive tried to tell a few friends but it always seems like they cant understand and i just dont know how to explain it all. ive always believed that my problems shouldnt be a burden to others
Well that’s the $64k question for anyone who is suicidal-how to die (fast, without pain). I’d say there are a couple of ‘magic bullets’ out there to achieve that, but it’s largely inaccessible to most of us.
N… would be one of them, but its superhard to get-unless you live in a country which practices euthanasia like Holland. When I go, I’m leaning towards hypoxia. But there are other ways to go if someone is desperate and as Mark said we can discuss methods-but plenty of other sites that do.
Let’s put it this way though, if someone was truly serious about ending their life, finding a way wouldn’t really be that difficult. We’re not immortals and we are susceptible to various means of death. It’s one thing to want to die-I know that feeling all too well, but it’s another thing to take action to bring about your demise. I’m not psychologically ready yet and my life isn’t as bad as it once was.
correction: we can’t (not can)
i think you are right, i want to take action but im too lazy and scared of what happens next
I’ve attempted suicide… Twice. What happens next is worse than the actual attempt. You’re shuffled through hospitals and hooked up to IVs and get poked and prodded nonstop. You get judged and treated like a fragile piece of glass that is ready to shatter at any moment. People look at you differently. You never feel the same. The “attempt” is swept under the rug and the professionals just want to continue moving forward. It’s confusing. Of course, this is if you fail, which chances are that you will. What stops me from attempting again is the fear of what comes after if I fail, not the fear of succeeding. I never regretted trying and I wish I had succeeded.