If they do then i do

I am tired of saying what i hate
But even the tears don’t seem to release the bottled up emotions….lately i told myself its better not to feel anything then to feel everything.
I honestly hate my life and i always have..
But i love someone with all i have.
He tells me he loves me and im the best thing that ever happened to him…but idk
I hate myself so how can he love me?
I never had anyone love me before…not like him..
Someone who doesnt want sex..or money..or something…
And im so confused.
I wanna die..but i wanna live for him