Uncertain

Hello. Third post this week. Haven’t posted since the weekend. Been a bit busy. Not really. Kind of just milling around even though I have a lot of work to do. I wanted to talk about that strange feeling I have been having lately. That feeling of limbo. I’m certain I don’t want to die. I’m also certain I don’t want to continue on living. I think I just want to be wiped out completely. Nothing left of me. I don’t want to exist nor do I want any sign of me to exist. Like I wasn’t even born. I’m not sure what I want. I don’t really have any interest in growing up and getting a job and being alone in a shitty apartment and continuing on until I die. I don’t want to just end it and make this huge thing out of it with all the pain and such that my family would go through and that weird feeling people get when they know someone but not that well and that person is just dead. Did that sentence make sense? I don’t want to leave anything behind. I just want to fade out. I don’t even know if I really want that. All I know is that whatever I’m feeling right now isn’t cool and I don’t like it. Thanks for listening. PS to that rando stranger that gave me the advice about the girl. She’s dating someone. Oh well that’s life I guess. Thanks all the same.