 I think it all happened in seventh grade. I met this wonderful girl, her name was Patricia. I first met her in drama class, she had brought this razor to class and was cutting up her notebook. All I could think of was the razor I played with last night cutting into my wrists again and again. I slowly fell for her, she didn’t even help me up. I was so near to telling her how I had felt, but she told me about this guy, they were going out and she was inlove with him. . . She tore my heart out, squised it and walked away with it. Every time in class, she would talk of her love. I just nodded my head and told her I was happy that she finally had someone. Secretly, I wished that she would be depressed once more and come and talk to me. It never happened. I was left on the sidelines, watching her with her love. I had no one.
 Every night I would slit my wrists, wondering what I could do to be with this girl. She was my everything. I’m not sure how I ever got over her. I’m not even sure IF I’m over her. But I could live with it either way.
 She made me happy and she made me so depressed. She showed me everything she knew about the razor and its game. I accepted it all, and slowly I was winning. She stopped and I continued. Once she left though, I was able to stop.
 In highschool, I saw her once more. Everything came back. My razor. My thoughts. And the scars.
 Now every night I sit up and hold the razor close, wondering how far I can push it into my skin and how much blood it would bring.
2 comments
hey, i know how you feel. I still am in love with my bestfriend. I dont know if she’ll ever give you the time of day. If she never does, the heartaches, and scars werent worth it. you need to get over her, or you’ll never be able to come out of that dark trench known as depression. i wish you luck man. i hope you turn out ok in the end.
I agree with Kiley. I wish you luck too and I know you can’t ever totally “get over” someone but perhaps try to distance yourself or distract yourself from the thoughts of her? Or the past? I don’t support cutting however, having done it myself, I understand the release. I would hope you stop again but I don’t want to lecture you. If you ever want to just talk instead of cutting please don’t hesitate to email me. I’ll be here anytime and I’m really good at listening.
email: harber_a@yahoo.com
I hope you’re okay.