Lost

April 29th, 2009by hauntingyou

I have been depressed for almost 2 years now. I told my aunt that I was depressed about 1 year ago. The reason why I’m depressed will take me to long to explain, so if your wondering why, check the post that says: “Wishing, Waiting, Dieing”. Anyway, she took me to see a consular a couple of days after I told her how I felt. At that first meeting I was told that if I wasn’t better within the next month, I would be put on a depression pill. A month goes by, nothing. Another month goes by, nothing. I start to let the pain out by cutting, nothing. I try to commit suicide, nothing. I try again, nothing. I type my feelings down on the computer and ask my aunt to read it. It clearly said how I felt, that I thought I was going to commit suicide, and that I felt like I was trapped, ect. And, yet again, nothing. My aunt AND my consular knew I was doing all of these things. They knew how I felt and that I was trying to help myself the best I could. And yet they did nothing. Nothing. That’s my knew word: “nothing”. It seems that nobody, not even my family, cares about me. I mean, I know they love me. But, they just don’t seem to get the fact that I’m depressed and that I might commit suicide any day. Maybe their in denial. It’s just so frustrating and depressing. In fact, I tried to commit suicide a couple of days ago. But, it didn’t work. This world is FUCKED up!! I mean, why does God allow people to live if all the world does is hurt them? There’s war, hate, abuse, rape, kidnapping, shootings, robberies, ect. Why is the world so FUCKED up????????? I hate this FUCKED up world!! I wish I had a gun, just to get it over with. I’m in despair. I feel like I’m invisible. That I cry out for help any nobody hears me. That even my family seems to look down upon me with frowns on their faces. I can’t even tell the difference between reality and unreality. From whats real and whats going inside my fucked up head. I’m lost in myself. I just want to pain to end…………… I just don’t think life is worth living if nobody really seems to care about how you feel. What is the point in life? I mean, we all die. Then why does God give us life if we all end up dieing in the first place? JUST. PLEASE. END. MY. PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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