I am a 14 year old boy, and I had fallen in love with a 16 year old girl, and she had fallen in love with me. We dated for months, and I think most would call our relationship unhealthily obsessive. We spent literally most of every day together, and we could barely bear to be away from eachother. We both thought about the other frequently, and we’d claimed that we always wondered if we were thinking about eachother at the same time. I always forgave her for everything and felt horrible when she gave up something for my sake, such as canceling something to be with me.
But, one week, we had a particularly bad time together; we argued more and when we were together we didn’t say much and I felt awkward and uncomfortable. I thought it was going to get better next week, but it didn’t, and it kept getting worse week after week for nearly a month.
I foolishly decided that she didn’t love me anymore and that our relationship wasn’t going to last any longer. I lied to her when I said I’d always be with her, through good times and bad times. I left her. She didn’t take it well, and she overdosed on drugs, and went comatose for 16 days then died on December 15, 2008.
Now I realize how much I love her and how much I need her. I realize how wonderful she was and she’s probably the best I’ll ever have. How am I supposed to feel knowing someone I loved killed herself because she loved me so much and couldn’t bear the pain of being away from me when I left her? Is there even a life for that? I’m even in denial at sometimes and I have trouble accepting she’s really gone. When I’m alone and crying, I still can’t believe she’s really gone and that this can’t really be happening.
I miss her so much… I still even write to her, even though I know she won’t read it. I just feel like I can never let go.
And on top of that, all but one my friends have drifted away from me. I’ve grown to dislike everything and search for faults and I start to hate people I know more and more. They’ve begun to stop talking to me, because I am always sad and I never want to do anything. And my only friend is someone I don’t know in person, but someone I met over the internet, and she hates it when I’m sad.
How do I get over this loss? I’ve tried calling out for help on the internet several times before, but it doesn’t help much… Thanks for reading.
4 comments
I am sorry for what you are going through. I have had a love before that felt so overwhelming. It seems as if you and that person are one. You know, though, as I grew older I found another person that I connected with so well. It seems that I have finally learned that life is full of people coming and going from us. It hurts. It takes over our minds. I have lost someone to death that was very close to me. She was like my own daughter, it felt, though she was merely a cousin. I study psychology, and am persuing a Phd in the field, because I yearn to hold a person’s hand through their pains, and help them see the light of day again. Your story is powerful, and I can relate. I wish you well, and please keep your chin up, for though you will never forget, she lives through you. Your love made you a part of one another, and that tie will never break. She lives still in your heart and mind. You two very well could be soul mates, and please think deeply. Do not stay down. Arise up and remember that each individual person makes choices for themselves and those choices affect those around us. Think of going out with her when you leave the house. She is with you if you have true love. She didn’t mean for you to feel responsible.
I know it’s hard to get over I’ve lost someone very dear to me as well and still trying to get the fact that they’re really gone. It’s gotten better this last year for me. And you can ask for help over line but it’s not as good as a real person. But you can talk to me anytime. I’m Kieylee and my email is kieylee102@yahoo.com I won’t tell you that I don’t like when you’re sad because I’m sad a lot of the time too. So send me a message anytime. I hope this helps.
Thanks for the support. I would have responded earlier but I didn’t get any e-mail alerts like I was expecting.
And if she really is my soul mate and she’s gone, how can I live like that? I just want the pain to go away. One part of me just wants to forget but another knows that’s wrong and that she deserves so much more than I could ever give her.
I know how you feel. My one and only love died the day he finally said he loved me back to me, who said it a month before. I can’t help feeling it was my fault. But I suppose it’s worse for you because I’ve been told it’s the grief that’s talking…
I empathise with you.