Im not depressed.Â I have the medications to thank for that, however what theyve done to me by no means deserves thanks. Oh sure, the severeÂ BPDs gone but i didnt know i was trading it for absolutely nothing.Â They killed any small part of me that mightve passed as human; they hollowed me out. How am i supposed to live a life like this, a medically-made sociopath, where feeling isÂ impossible and nothing will ever matter to me.Â I just dont care anymore, i cant.Â Everyday just seems more pointless then the last.Â The world around me is fading.
If i dont manage to kill myself, the lies will.Â Each day i wake up and put on a mask.Â I have to pass mself off as humanÂ in front of everybody; my parents, my friends, everyone that used to mean something to me.Â Id rather try and keep people fooled then have to deal with them finding out the person they knew isnt actually in here anymore, trying to “help”.Â Each fake smile, each laugh, is draining me. I just want to be left alone.Â Just lay in my bed until time does what it does to us insignificant bundles of cells.Â
But time takes too long.Â
Sometimes these bundles have to take things into their own hands.