Thank you. & i’m here to help

In June of 2008, I was a stoner, and an alcoholic. I tried comiting suicide by taking at least a full bottle of pain killers. because my mom grounded me. I wrote about it in my journal of course. I believe my words were:

“I wish my mom would understand what im going though, i dont know if i really want to die, i just wanns scare her”

 

i fell asleep, then woke up with this incredibly uncomfortable feeling. I was burning, like my blood felt weird. and i was getting hives everywhere. my mom came home. I told her i ate bad food and felt a little sick. she told me to lye down. i was getting shorteness of breath and blurred vision. i was nauseous and shaking it was the most scary thing ive ever experienced. knowing i could die. that i wouldnt be alive anymore. i hated my life, but i realized then, that suicide is selfish, and unnesecary. i threw up. and im not kidding, every ten minutes, like clockwork, from 2 am to 10 am. i was throwing up nthing, and i tried pepto, but i just threw it up ten minutes later.  I never told my mom the truh until i came home and she was crying. I asked her why, and se said she read my journal.

i blew up. screaming, yelling, throwing things, i mean HOW DARE SHE read my personal thoughts and feelings.

she told me it was because she was scared, that i didnt talk to her anymore. and she was rigt.

she forced me into therapy, and now I’m glad. because ive been sober, and living so happy.

I was on anti depressants, and let me tell you, that shit works.

I’m here telling my story, because i want to help people like you get through this. and know that its always darkest before the dawn.

Im here for all of you. and if you need anything, dont hesitate to email me.

<3Jimmi, 16 years.

jklmatsinger@gmail.com