Thursday I ODed. It’s now Monday and I still feel like shit. My parents think it’s some kind of “bug” or something. I just let them think that. I want to tell them so maybe I can get some help… But I can’t bring myself to it. Maybe I should have gone to the hospital. I don’t know. I just still feel like shit. I don’t know much of anything these days. No, I never “had my life together” but then it didn’t matter. I was too young to be thinkng of that so it didn’t matter. I can’t wake up from this. I haven’t been able to keep anything down at all. It dosn’t seem like this is my life. I don’t know what possesed me to doing this. I have a boyfriend thats good to me. The best friend I have is my ex. My ex is also the only one who knows I ODed. My boyfriend has no clue. I was going to tell him, but I guess he was too busy. It’s alright. I am having a hard time writing this. It hurts so much to move and it hurts so much to be still. I don’t know what to do. I am sick and tired of doing nothing. I want to be able to eat whatever I wish. I want to play with my puppy. She looks so pitiful playing with herself while I have to hang over or be curled up on whichever floor I land. She is patient with me though. I know, a patiend puppy dog. I am, in a way, jealous of a dog. Ugh, wierd. Never thought of it this way. Playing all the time, sleeping, eating whenever they want. No work or anything. It seems great. Hmm. I don’t know where this is leading or if it leads anyplace at all so I will just stop rambling for now. It’s proly pointless anyways. I can’t even understand what I’m writing.
P.S. I don’t think it helped at all to OD so please don’t make yourself go through with it because it realllllly sucks and it’s not worth it
Please just don’t
5 comments
what did you OD on? is it a drug you do often? i am a drug abuser myself and it makes things so much more tempting sometimes because you know you have the means. it also scares me that i will od and people would think it was suicide when it wasnt. once i went into withdrawl from xanax i was taking 32mg a day and stopped cold when i ran out of refills and dealers i could tap. my best friend pound me on the floor of my bedroom having a seizure on top of the broken glass bong i had had in my hand. needless to say everyone thought i tryed to kill myself, and it was a horrible feeling looking into there eyes and telling them i didnt even mean for it to happen. maybe telling your rents is a good thing, coming here was a good first step but if you can get even more help than why not? my rents really helped me with my drugs and depression a lot the first time around there prob was that they thought well he is on meds did rehab he is all better now and it dosent work that way.
tell. your. parents
just go up to them when there you know, relaxed and quiet good mood and say “mom, dad, lately, well i think im depressed” thats it ask if you can have them help you if you have an older sibling tell them first and have them help you through tellin your parents or have your bf or bff come with. you CAN become like the puppy 😀
I reckon you ought to go to the hospital. Depending on what you took, an OD can have long-term medical consequences and you should have a doctor take a look at you and see if there’s anything you need to be doing to feel better now and avoid health problems in the future.
thx. i’m ok now so i don’t think i’ll need the hospital anymore. Though you are right about the long-term thing possibly i think i will be alright.
i can’t tell my parents this. they haven’t listened when i told them i’m suicidal so i don’t think they will believe me now or ever unless i do actually end up in a hospital. but i’d rather not have to go that far for them to realize there actually is a prob.
i haven’t ODed like this befor. norm it’s only like two-three more than recomended; so it’s never actually made me so sick or whatever. and i agree so much with what you are saying about the whole suicidal thing. i’m sorry for what you are going through to abuse drugs. maybe we can help eachother 🙂 it’s worth a shot, right?! i think so. but since you aren’t suicidal (from what i get) maybe you could try to not OD them. i don’t know. i’m not an “expert” or anything. i’m happy that you can get help.
[sorry if you got confused. it made sence to me so…]
thank you all
emily, lillie is right about telling someone. having one person know is not a good thing, and you do need to tell your bf. he and your ex can help you talk to your parents. its actually really easy to tell them if you do it fast… just keep trying to convince them, tell them that you OD’d, that should get their attention. if you need someone to talk to email me, murtuagh3@gmail.com