hello…

hi, this is the second time I write, last time I wrote “wanna die”. I still wish I’d just die. just fall over, dead…. I’ve promised a friend of mine that I’ll live untill school starts again, and now I regret. a promise is a promise, can’t break it. my life is spiraling downwards… had to break up with my boyfriend. know it sounds ridiculus, but I’ts true. just realised I was still so in live with the one who dumped me.. he really is’nt even a good person, but I still love him… he know that he ruined the rest of my life whwn he did that, but he still don’t care a shit. I really hate him! hate everything about him!! but still, I love him so deeply!!! almost killed myself wen he dumped me, and he knows…. I had this dream last night, I’m gonna write it down..

I was at R’s house. we sat in he’s room, playing halo on x-box. then suddenly I kissed him (dunno why, but after all it was just a dream), and I said I was sorry. he is one of my best friends so I understand the reaktion he had when I shot myself in my head… after that I was walking along all the people, seeing and hearing everything, but they did’nt see me. in my dream R got really depressed again, he felt it was his fault since he had’nt been able to save me. I saw MLK kill herself, she is also one of my best friends, MLK have allready told me that if i die, she’ll die. Ma (her boyfriend) got really depressed and ended up comiting suicide as well, just to be with MLK. O got really depressed as well, he’s told me that if I commit suicide it means that I ruin his life.. and I could only stand there an watch him suffer. MLK has another one that love her as well, he comited suicide. and allmost all of the 28 people being in live with him got depressed, and half of them died. my mum who’s already depressed killed herself, my lill’bro killed himself, and dad had to live alone…. he turned quite mad/crasy a well. and this chane of people getting depressed and/or died just kontinued! it was horrible!! the worst part of this is that it’s true!! all those people would have died! all my friends sais that. they say; do you really wanna play domino with human lives!?!
obviosly I aint dead now, this is why. I really don’t care to much about myself, of course I do, but I allways try to put everybody else first. I wish I was selfish! then I coud kill myself! sounds stupid, but this is how I think….

I sometime hear voices, and sonds that no one else hear. I alsow see things.. it’s simpel to notice the different between of the voices and what I see, and what is really there. but the sounds, I can’t here difference between truth and imagination. it’s driving me mad!! or maybe I’m already mad? I often get those times where I’m like not here. one time I sat eating, and suddenly 20 min. was gone! I’ve never bee’n so gone before!! I’m scared! this did’nt make to much sence, the way I wrote, but maybe it’s better that way, then you can see how messed up my head is right now…..

btw would apreciate if yeh would tell me what aint correkt in this tekst, the language it the tekst… wanna improve my elglish. bet it’s awfull…