I… really don’t know what to do. Yesterday, I wrote a post that expressed my desire to no longer live, and yet, I find that something odd is holding me back. Between the wonderful comments yesterday and my family actually being nice to me despite me not even saying much to them, I was actually… happy. I was able to forget about my self- loathing and have a day where people… cared? Such a weird word for me to say. But, I woke up this morning coming down from my high from yesterday- to hear my brother expressing his love for his girlfriend, aka, the girl who is the reason I despise myself so much.
Despite this small revelation, I still stand by my decision to take my life in a short while. My garden is going to bloom sooner than expected. I see it as a good thing.
Sincerely,
Cassidy
P.S. Thank you for your comments Jon, I write these posts to get out my frustrations- and with a hope that you might say something to me. And you have. Thank you so very much.
4 comments
It’s weird how life can go from bad to good, then good to bad. That’s the hard part about life, because just when you think something amazing is happening the world crushes around you. Then just when you think it’s all over something good happens that makes you have second thoughts about leaving this world. I understand where your pain is coming from and I’m not going to tell you that you should change your mind. I just hope life gets a little better, so you can stick around to see what comes.
-Allison
Dear Cassidy:
Why not re-read the comments people left for you yesterday?
And remember, if you had one good day, you can have others.
Cordially,
Struggling to Survive (been there)
Mmm cheer up.
Yes…
…I know its hard…
..harder than anybody can understand…everyone including you is something important. Think hard about something you love…
…or find something…
…it makes life worth living…
I’m sorry I’m slow replying this time.
Can you tell me about the girl, your brothers girlfriend? I suppose that’s the one bit you haven’t mentioned before, and I can’t understand, what does she do to make you feel like that?
And how your brother would put up with it. Either way, he seems to be… and no, I don’t think it exactly spells out caring either.
Cass, if you still want to make a date for this, can we at least keep in contact for the meantime? We’ve only known each other for less than a month, it’s true, but I really do care a lot about you, and I wouldn’t want to let you go when you’re still in doubt about what it is you want. And at the very least, I hope you can have a way to fully unburden yourself before making any final decision.
No matter what happens, I think your garden will be more beautiful to you this year than ever.
Hope to hear from you soon Cassidy.
Love,
Jon