no one needs to read my sorrows. they have their own. but i need to spit all of my out. i play a lot of tennis. i play every day and work hard but i cant beat anyone. everyone keeps telling me that one day i will win and i have lots of talent. but i dont believe. my dad expects me to win. my parents like me the days i win in tournaments and play well but dont like me when i lose. they are constantly dissapointed. today i lost to a girl that i should have beaten and gotten yelled at. i think about suicide atleast once or twice a week. today is the day tht i have been closest to killing my self. i cant quit tennis because it is my only ticket to college yet im locked up in my own personal hell. i think that killing my self is my only way out but what will everyone think about my family if i do kill myself. what will happen to my sister? so i live. never happy.
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Tennis is a great sport, but if playing it competitively causes you to have suicidal thoughts, it might be worth considering giving it up, at least until you can enjoy it and be empowered by playing it.
Also it seems to me that you may be catastrophizing when it comes to how you think about tennis and your future. For more information about this and how to learn how to stop doing it consider checking out this link:
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/what-is-catastrophizing/
let me tell you something reading your story makes me really think tht i wish i had your life, because the one im liveing is complete hell trust me, i cry every night with out anyone ever noticing, i have a 4month old bby. and baby daddy that could careless about how i feel or what i want, i wish i could atleast be in your shoes because all you have to do is sit down and talk to your parents , because your parents have to love you notmatter what unlike me he will just get up and leave . so please try talking to your parents.
your parents are being horrible and you don’t need to lsiten to any of that. You should be allowed to enjoy tennis and it doesn’t have to seem like hell. The only hell is how ur parents treat u, and they probably treat you like taht becasue they are scared you are going to fail and they fail at being supportive. It’s tough not winning all the time, but no one wins all the time. Ya, the champions uh huh, they win all the time huh? Well that only comes after they lost a fair amount. At least you parents aren’t abusive right? And tennis can’t ben your whole world. anythin else you like? wasn’t there a time you loved tennis?? heyy I bet u only lose cause you think ur gonna lose or somethin like that. psychological problems can be a huge burden in ur performance.
The thing to do is quit tennis and thereby piss off your parents, who show *no* sensitivity by their behavior. Emotionally, tennis really isn’t a very healthy sport anyway, so quitting might by the smartest thing you ever did. With your bizarre parents expecting you to win on demand, then you must quit, or leave home if you want to keep playing. Another good reason to quit is that tennis (and sports in general) contain lots of jerks. So if you quit, you’ll be moving up in the world.
The idea that the only way to get into college is through tennis is absolute bull$h*t. There are *tons* of scholarships out there that have nothing to do with tennis or sports.
You will probably find more pleasure in learning something academic, but if you don’t, there are lots of good professions/trades that don’t require a typical college degree.
wow thats like exactly how i feel except i havent really thought about suicide. My situation is that i play 1st singles on my hs team and i was it last year as well. I played pretty well and had a good season as a sophmore. Sadly, when my season was over someone rearended my friends car which hurt my back and arm. I was out for 6 months and have finally started playing usta tournaments in the spring. I lost so much experience and even love for the game. Im in my tennis season right now and i keep losing to people that i could beat, but in my head i just dont enjoy it as much, and i am not as good as i was last year. I teach tennis at a country club, and make very good money, and also my parents are pushing the college tennis thing too so i can get some money. I can’t quit, im first singles, i have a great job from it, but i just don’t really enjoy it anymore im tired of losing.