life is crazy

  July 17th, 2009 by aspersion

My post probably won’t mean a whole lot because I do not know how to put my experiences into words. It’s simply not worth trying to end your life. There is so much to look forward to, even if you’re pretty bad off. Life is too beautiful and it has many things to offer. Don’t do what everyone else wants you to. Especially don’t do what society wants you to. Live your life for YOU and nothing else. I’m happy now because I have figured that out. I have tried so many times to end my life from OD’ing to slitting my wrists. None of it worked. I just wanted to die cause it felt so right. I felt like I had done everything in life I needed to do. I felt like if I had left the world, then I would leave everyone at peace. Fuck, I was so wrong. My last attempt to ending my life was the worst, but it left me as a strong person.  I had decided that I would see all of my friends and my family and act like nothing was wrong and just spend a little time with them before I killed myself. Well, later that day, I got on the freeway and wrecked my car at 180 mph into a cement barrier. I thought for sure I was dying. It was the worst feeling of my life to feel what I did in that car. I thought it was going to be my eternal hell. I felt like i was stuck on an infinite repeat of the car hitting that wall. It seemed like it was never going to end. The car stopped and I sat in it unable to move while it was on fire. I thought it might have been my afterlife until a man pulled me out. What I saw was a great gathering of people, standing side by side helping one another, to make sure everyone was ok. I don’t know why I am still alive but I am. I only broke my femur bone and bit through my lip. Cops said I should have been dead with the way the car got fucked up and how fast I was going. After it was all over with, I still thought about trying again because I lost everything I had worked for. I still owe over a hundred thousand dollars to the government and hospitals. But I’ve worked my ass off to gain everything back. I’ve completely built my life back up and I can be proud. I can value the life that I have. People just have to be patient to see what the world can offer them. Our society moves fast but the world will always turn slow. Just keep your head up high and hope for the best. I’m pretty sure it will work out 🙂

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