im a guy in his 30’s…..throughout the years had the odd periods of suicidal tendencies…gues who hasnt…but as i write this message….i just wish i could go through with it…i have literally hit a brick wall where i see nothing past it…i get a full hot body sweat that sweeps through and releases through my fingers…..
im jealous of people who do it..who take the decision….brave enough…i know…i know thats wrong to think like that…my thinking is blinkered … of course im not thinking about the family of that person..the mum who gave birth…an that is my position tonite…i want want want so much to do it…..just to end the pain misery lonliness non changing life that i have..my own fault….mine is feeling like the black sheep…the only one without a partner and children and few friends or social life…my own fault..my shyness..thats all it is….easy to fix but anyway…..
the reason i write an i never write ever…this is something i will probally never do again…i cant commit suicide…at least..not whilst my mum is still alive….i read the stories of the parents whose children have committed suicide……but what got me most was one story i read wher the person said…’i phoned my mum and sister one last time’……i couldnt do it to them……
maybe one day when she herself has gone….maybe…..
2 comments
loving mum that you have, bless you what a treasure you have. Now that she is alive, live every minute with her, because that is what life is about. There is a mother who has posted here, she lost her son. You are not going to do that. If your mother loves you, how can you not love yourself ? You have to, because you are the product of her love. And that will always stay, even when she is not. In my case, I never had a mother. She was and is a mentally ill person, with a lot of malice. But in your case, you always have to stay alive because she didnt bring you to the world to lose you, even when she is not there. So for the love to your mother, you must pull yourself out and reorganize whatever needs to.
Hey man I hear what you’re saying. Gosh I deal with alot of the same issues as you; feelings of loneliness and worthlessness, few friends, hardly an social life and I’m also a 30 Something too. The only difference is I’m female…
My mum’s dead, don’t ask, but I live with someone who’s chronically ill so at the moment I’m in a real bind cuz I seriously wanna die… but don’t wanna hurt him. Fuck it’s an awful position to be in, isn’t it!? =(