I chanced upon this site a few weeks ago but never joined it. I have to say, this site is fantastic, in the way that there is such a wide scope of audience on here and so many topics that are brought up from people actually describing in detail why they feel so shit, and I have been transfixed on what that has coughed up. I know its not everyones style to describe feelings in details, I do think that it can be a very good thing.Â
I have just felt shit for years, since I was an adult really and I discovered that life is really nothing but hard (with the odd nice distraction). When I came on here I saw that people were talking about loads of reasons why life is shit and it interested me immensely, reasons such as that this world could be hell or that this world is corrupt to people even going into detail about rape and murder, some of the stories happening to them and some just observations of the world. In my own life I notice that I am bombarded with all types of ‘theries’ about global disasters and this whole 2012 illuminati thing and then going as far as Hitler and the nazi powers live in the underworld! As in underneath us, in the centre of the earth. Scientists have even now proved it to be possible by proving that the centre of the earth is hollow. But how much damage is being done to my mind on a daily basis by receving this information online, through friends and films and TV. I think it is all possible, I am not so dumb as to believe that what I can see is all that exists, but, what do I do now? And I’m wondering is it’s all designed to make me go insane? (because I feel a bit that way now).
I was just lying in bed trying to get to sleep and got thinking about the fact that LSD is now scientifically proven to open up a part of the brain that allows you to see other dimensions and I was thinking ‘how shit that our leaders make that illegal’ but then I was just thinking that even more so now that I know that it is true, or at least highly likely, would I even want to take any LSD knowing Â that what I am seeing couldÂ be real. Then I thought about other stuff and now I feel as if killing myself is a an attractive idea. Simply so that I dont ever have to think these thoughts anymore. I have felt like shit my whole life but never really thought about killing myself before and now I’m online reading up on the best and least painful way to do it. Whats going on? I just wish I could go to sleep and not wake up or take a pill that kills me instantly. Whats the point if all we do is work and worry? If we’re not worrying about these bonkers things we’re worrying about our looks or money or our realationships or something. Whats the point?
Oh before anyone says ‘dont think about these things’ that is actually impossible as you cant unlearn something, I wish I could stop my thoughts but i cant. And to do that anyway would be to then function as a sort of machine/robot that doesnt think freely. Thats scares me too.