useless

hey guys. its me again oktobresnoe. umm thanks to everybody who eamiled me. that means a lot. but i still feel so useless and i can’t do this anymore. i don’t wanna kill myself because of the friends i will hurt. they are the only people who will cry at my funeral probably. so after i posted that the other night i tried to kill myself but somehow im still here. im not really sure how to be honest, but i am and i guess while im here i have to be really nice to the people who actually care so that they wont think its their fault when i end this cuz its not… its definetely somebody elses. well honestly its more than 1 person. its actually a lot of people. im so tired of hearing them scream at me all the time. i dont know what to do anymore. ive read so many stories from twloha about people who were where im at now and they got over it but i dont know how to get over it. if i wasnt here where i am now i know i would miss it kind of. well sorry for taking up your time. i just needed somewhere to vent and this is where i came because i know yall understand better than anybody else.