im alive as in everyone can see hear and touch me…. but what they dont know is on the inside im dead. my heart is black and broken, my sole is cold. each night i cry myself to sleep. i want my daddy back. my dad was a good man. he never did anything wrong. he was kind and loveing (when sober) he was my best friend. i want him back,. this isnt fair.
why did god have to take him. im tired of hearing that everything happens for a reason or god has a reason for everything. if that is true i want to know the reason for my faters death!!! why did god have to rip apart my family?! why wont god help me and save my sole?! where the fuck is this god???!!! i sit and beg for death or peace and nothing. i prayed for my father and for myself. NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Â i want to die. i want to make the pain stop forever ever!… im going insane… i stare into space and day dream of my scuicide… i dont smile… i dont laugh…. all i do is cry… i carverd hopeless into my leg.. because my entire existince is hopeless. any hope of peace or happieness is hopeless…. me surviving is hopeless….
im not sure.. but im afraid this will be my last entry…… i dont know how much longer ill last…. im greatfull for all of those who read what i write.. that meant alot to me…. thank you…..