It’s been a feeling I’ve had for a while now. I don’t know what to think of it, why it started, or when it will end, but It’s been going on for quite a while.

I hate my home life. I was adopted and don’t know my birth parents who still talk to my parents about me. I have an 18 year old sister who wants nothing to do with me, a dad who spends most of his time in his office at home or at work, and I have a bipolar mother who is mostly mad at the stupidest things. I do the best I can at school and live up to my parents expectations, but I obviously haven’t done enough!

As a kid I was spoiled all the time! Everything I asked was a Yes, Of Course, No Problem! But as I got older, I expected that to stay with me, and apparently my mom thought otherwise. My mom stopped wanting to do anything for me because I got an attitude towards her. It’s not my fault, my sister pretty much disowned herself from my family when she reached middle school and I was angered by that. I don’t have anger issues, but I have life issues.

Everyday my mom gets angered with me and yells and yells and yells at me. That’s all she ever does! She blames most of her anger on me, when half the time she is really mad at my sister. I’ll be honest… I’m not really sure what I’m writing, why I’m writing it, or where I’m going with this, but I’ll start just by asking my question.

I’ve cut my wrists before, not enough to make me bleed, but enough to leave a scare; I’ve chocked myself enough to turn purple; and I’ve had continuous thoughts of suicide and I don’t know what to do. I want to run away from home, get away from my family, my life, everything that I hate about it, but I don’t know how to do it, why I want to do it, or how to talk myself out of it.

So what now?