Rants from the end of my rope

What does one do

When they hate who they are

With every second that passes

I loath myself more and more

It’s frustrating as fuck

I’m dead inside

Mindlessly going through the motions

The feeling inside of me has turned into actual pain

I’m going mad

I thought I could handle it

At first I ignored it

Now I just ache

What kind of sick fucking cycle have I stumbled into

I have a noose in my closet

But when I look at it all I can think of is the people I would hurt

The only time I’m happy is when I’m with friends

Yet all the while I feel guilty

I don’t deserve friends like them

Fuck they’re awesome

I fail at everything I touch

The only thing I was ever good at I gave up

For no good reason

Fuck everything

Why can’t I succeed at least once

When will it be my turn

I used to be happy just existing

I used to have fun

Now I just sit and wait for sleep

Why the fuck should I have to wear a fake smile

Pretend to laugh

Shit doesn’t even taste the same anymore

I awoke to find myself cut up today

I just laughed

My first real laugh in months

I have no idea why

Every time I try to talk with someone I feel like a burden

How much pain can one pack into one torso

Before it spills out onto the floor

Like warm sticky blood

I don’t even have a nice shirt to be buried in

Why the fuck couldn’t I have bought at least one nice shirt

I feel as if I’m going to explode here

All I want is to have one good day where I can feel good

Genuinely good

And if it’s not to much trouble

One nice shirt to die in.