Suffer

Let me rant on again…
I’m a 16 year old male from California. That should do you enough good, right?
This planet, this beautiful (or my image of the paradise it was portrayed as) earth inhabited by life. Also inhabited are evil, greedy humans. They are parasitic creatures that prey on this planet’s resources and each other. I fully understand that there are good people, who make you think different, but think about the majority of the people, the evil, vile creatures. These people deserve to suffer, but why not let them suffer without me. I would much rather be dead than to suffer, but I guess I shouldn’t kill myself, because loved ones want me to suffer too. I keep trying to see things clearly and brighter, but no. It doesn’t work, every day seems worse, the walls close in on me. My uncle threatened to kill me. Why’s that? Because he doesn’t like me, like many people, I look like the type of person that everyone should hate. I try to be nice and nice people are only people who shut up and don’t say the mean things they want to say to me. Don’t tell me everything will get better. Under the circumstances, things haven’t gotten better.

Age 12-13 (can’t remember exactly)
My parents divorce. I’m not too worried about it. The thought of having a hot stepsister was kind of great… I never thought of the idea of an evil stepmother which was what I got instead. I used to collect comic books. I left my stack under my bed in a nice, safe place. I wake up one morning to see that they are all gone, some of the comics were of my 2 favorite animated people, sonic the hedgehog and Deadpool. I was so pissed off and her excuse was,” I thought you didnt want them,” because apparently anything on the floor even hidden is considered trash. And that went downhill from there. My dad would take her side for everything and every night he fucks her, and then allows her to do what she wants. She goes to Los Angeles, which is 2 hours away for as long as she wants. Then she comes home. She screams at me to do shit, cooks shitty food and my 10 year old brother loves her. Everyone on my dads side of the family hate her and yet my dad loves her (*****).

At school, my friends would treat me like shit, they would put gum in my hair, hit me and all kinds of shit to me, call me jewboy because the Jehovahs witness religion is like part Christian, part other stuff… And now I’m atheist, but then one day after lunch. My friends called me shit and I walked to my locker ahead of them, I hear one of them laughing about something and I don’t look back. I get to my locker, open it, grab some books and SLAMMM!!! my forehead hits the top edge of the locker and I look to my left and see him running away laughing while covering his mouth. I shake off his stupid attempt to make me look stupid and grab my books.

All of a sudden, I feel moisture on my forehead. -Sweat?- I think to myself. No I didn’t run or anything. I touch my forehead and it’s really wet. I look at the red liquid on my hand and my eyes open real wide. I put pressure on it and notice my friend next to my locker say,”oh shit, Nathan. Youre bleeding. We walk to the nurse and get an ice pack on my forehead and then I feel the pain set in. My dad picks me up and foolishly takes me to work with him and I text my mom what happened. The principal asks who did that to me. Here’s the kicker, I was so loyal to that idiot I said I don’t know. My mom reports the incident to the police and my friend gets only one Fay of suspension because hes a star student or something. He spills my blood my locker and that’s the injustice of this cruel society and in 6th grDe I brought poppers to school and got a suspension for one day. Poppers and bullying aren’t the same thing especially since rules are more strict in middle school. I even tell my friend that my mom snitched, I was so stupid. This year I finally disbanded myself from the little group that bullied me every day. I was never raped or beaten up as a kid until now.

My dad has decided to kick my ass everytime I disagree with him. Well not everytime but the last two times where I needed a haircut, he kicked my ass. I should have called the cops, but who are they going to believe. A 16 year old high schooled or a 40 year old adult. And my dad knows all the right things to say, even under pressure. I can’t, I choke, stutter and don’t think straight under pressure. My mind blanks out halfway through tests hat are difficult or over 30 questions. So is this deserving of sympathy, would I have anything wrong with me.

So I want this planet to suffer but without me. There’s tsunamis forming form japan to our coast. Co2 is killing us and our planet and the end is near, and my end is even closer.

I think I just seek attention even though I gave up trying for attention. I remember telling my mom and dad “ma look what I did” and they look at it smile say good job and their smile fades and get on with their business. I ended up giving up on that idea where you try to show off. I hate when my brother shows off and I think I’m on this planet to either please or punish anyone. If that’s not my purpose then I should just die because I find less and less pleasure in things. I’m sorry about my pessimistic view on things. That helped me sort the negatives out. Any advice would help me, and I love comments. Tell me I’m shit, whatever agreeing you want to do. I don’t care I just seek the attention I wish I deserved