What am i doing here??
Am i looking for some one to talk me down, some one that can help me choose life? I really don’t know. I have the things i need arriving daily, i’ve booked a hotel, i know the date so i’m ready to go. But lately i have been feeling……i’m not entirely sure but lets just say i’m having second thoughts. I think i’m over thinking this. I find myself imagining what others will go through if i do this, i hate that i once again find myself putting others before myself. I then have a mental shake, literally it’s like my brain does a dive and i feel sick in the pit of my stomach and i’m right back to not only wanting to kill myself but knowing it’s the right thing to do. I truelly believe people will be so much happier with me gone and thats not just because they have told me this. I may be emotional but i’m not stupid, hurtful things get said in arguments i understand this but i have never wished any one dead, looked at them with pure hatred hoping my stare will be enough to eradicate them from excistance. I don’t quite understand why people hate me so much, if you believe in aura i guess you could say i have a bad aura. There is something about me that makes people either use me or hate me. There is never any in betwween.
So i have been sitting here thinking this afternoon if i’m not here for help, what am i after? Do i just find comfort (sorry if that offends) reading posts from other people who feel the same way i do? I’m not just suicidal, i believe i should of died when i was 9 but i was resuscitated.
Why do you guys come here? Vent, connect, offer words of wisdom? Please do tell, i’m quite interested.