What am i doing here??
Am i looking for some one to talk me down, some one that can help me choose life? I really don’t know. I have the things i need arriving daily, i’ve booked a hotel, i know the date so i’m ready to go. But lately i have been feeling……i’m not entirely sure but lets just say i’m having second thoughts. I think i’m over thinking this. I find myself imagining what others will go through if i do this, i hate that i once again find myself putting others before myself. I then have a mental shake, literally it’s like my brain does a dive and i feel sick in the pit of my stomach and i’m right back to not only wanting to kill myself but knowing it’s the right thing to do. I truelly believe people will be so much happier with me gone and thats not just because they have told me this. I may be emotional but i’m not stupid, hurtful things get said in arguments i understand this but i have never wished any one dead, looked at them with pure hatred hoping my stare will be enough to eradicate them from excistance. I don’t quite understand why people hate me so much, if you believe in aura i guess you could say i have a bad aura. There is something about me that makes people either use me or hate me. There is never any in betwween.
So i have been sitting here thinking this afternoon if i’m not here for help, what am i after? Do i just find comfort (sorry if that offends) reading posts from other people who feel the same way i do? I’m not just suicidal, i believe i should of died when i was 9 but i was resuscitated.
Why do you guys come here? Vent, connect, offer words of wisdom? Please do tell, i’m quite interested.
4 comments
You need to chat?
so let’s start will why you feel your a outcast?
your age your stroy
no one know’s you hrer
Good question. I don’t actually know why I’m here. I think a lot is just for venting. Writing down my thoughts helps me clear my mind. I have only published one post but I’ve written more.
It’s also being around people who are in similar situations, who can understand. All here are so open and friendly that it’s just calming to read their posts and comments. Unlike the “normal” people I have to see everyday that only talk rubbish.
I try to help others, as far as I can. Like you, I think people dislike me for no reason, but I guess it’s because I hate almost everyone around me too. Here I somehow generate Sympathy for those sad souls I don’t even know, and I hope I can socialize a bit.
Maybe I just want to see others make it, raise above their depression and find peace (in life or even in death), so I’m more confident I can do it too.
In your position, it’s okay to have second thoughts, it’s about death.The fact that you are rethinking it, and that you’re posting here, shows that a part of you still wants to live. If you want to talk, I can listen.
I don’t get though why people should hate you. I don’t have the impression you are a bad person. Why do you think they hate you? What have you ever done to anyone? And don’t say people will be happier without you. That doesn’t make sens. You are lovely.
I am here for all the reasons you mentioned. I have come from a violent and abuse past, filled with depression and wanting to die. Somehow I made it past that, but recently I feel myself slipping into depression with thoughts of suicide. I am here because I cannot find the courage or the right words to tell people in real life how I feel or what I am experiencing. I also want to help you and others who feel alone like me in whatever way I can. I want to be the hand reaching out to help, the hand that I never experienced in all my times of need. I know how it feels to find out that people are two-faced, that they actually don’t like you and talk about you and spread false gossip. Welcome to life. But I hope you realize (as I am trying to discover for myself) that we are placed her on earth to live life for OURSELVES, not for others. We must struggle through life and find happiness in ourselves, not in what others think of us. Do things to make you happy, not that make others happy. And if those around you don’t accept you for who you are, find people who do. Positive energy is extremely important in life. You mentioned auras. Yes, I believe in auras. I send out an aura that is extremely positive, because I don’t allow any negative energy to flow from me, or allow others to speak negatively in front of me. Has this caused others to hate me? Of course. Does it make me depressed? You bet it does. And yet, I know deep down that it is the right thing to do, to stay positive about myself and about the world around me. I hope this helps you, and I honestly hope you do not follow through with your plans. Because even though I don’t know you, I honestly would be extremely grieved. I want you to live, and enjoy your life because it is your own. Sending out love and positivity.
I think you sound like a really nice person. Maybe you come here to help people and it makes you feel better?