I’m new here but it’s not my first time thinking about dying. I’ve been going through a lot of family problems mainly since my mother is quick-tempered and I always make her yell when I disobey her. It’s been a rough 2 years of constant yelling. My mother has threatened to kick me out multiple times but she’s serious about me leaving in June with my father. It’s a long story how my grades are dropping and I’m just stressed about the future. My parents will get a divorce in June if things keep going on. I know that it’s because of me. I would run away if I had a place to go, but I don’t want to bother other people. I would be dead by now if I weren’t scared of pain. I wish I would get into some accident that was instant death. Or I wish I could go somewhere else and just live life but I don’t have too much money or anything. If I weren’t here, my parents could live better with my sister. I know it. I cause them so much pain and I’m such a disappointment to them. My father is convinced that I’m going to a community college. It’s really depressing but I guess I’m just posting this to rant maybe. Or find some solutions. I don’t want to live anymore. And I wish a happy birthday to deepabyss, but I doubt they would read this.
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You don’t know if you’re a burden or not. I don’t think you should think that way. Though, I sound hypocritical when I say that. I too, think I’m nothing but a burden. Trash in this world. I’m pretty sure they divorcing has nothing to do with you and that it isn’t your fault. Lots of people divorce nowadays for many reasons. Divorce rates are really high actually. My parents were the same. No matter how well you do, they’ll always act like you can do better and complain. It’s just how some parents are. And thanks, though I don’t think of it as a really happy bday. More like unhappy bday.
No they get along fine besides some small arguments. The big ones always involve me. I feel like I have no future. I don’t really have any strong points and the future scares me. My birthday has been mistaken by many people but I guess it’s okay. I wish I was better, but nothing ever gets better when I try to change. Wish I could just be away from everything.
How do you know for sure that it involves you? Parents will hide things from their kids when it comes to stuff like divorce and the reasons why. You can’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault. It’s probably something like money or whatever. The future can scare anyone. You do have a future. Make the future. I know how you feel about wanting to be away from everything, but I’m sure you can change to make things better if you really want to.
I agree with Deep abyss that you don’t know that you’re a burden. If your mom is quick tempered, that may be something that is causing the divorce. Don’t give up on life. Though it may be hard right now, soon you will be out of the house and being having new experiences. I was so scared of the future when I was in high school. I had no idea what I wanted to do. But as time went on I discovered that I wanted to go to college and what I wanted to major in. I have met so many awesome people who have forever impacted my life. The future can be scary but it can also hold so many wonderful experiences for you.
Abyss is right. Its not your fault. Parents are not perfect too, so you need to understand that, and most certainly not blame yourself.
Growing up can feel slow when the situation is far from ideal. Just don’t over think anything and let it weigh you down. In a few years, you could be maybe a server in a restaurant, but you would be able to finally support yourself. It might not be posh, but most of the time the simple life is the most blissful, just that people fail to appreciate it even when they are suffering in their riches. (spoilt children, politics, sabotage, kidnap, etc)
The situation is unfortunate, but do live out your many more years of life. Learn to ignore the things that hurt you and focus on the energies that help you move forward, both for yourself and in turn, for your parents.