I am abit tearful tonight for when my best friend stoped over to pick up my fried pc power supply to replace it for me from his home stash. I finally could not hold back any longer of my final exit plans,
He’s the only person who has really stuck in with me the past 19 years of my torments even beyond my own family. Now I realize it is him I am crying for. Because I am also his best friend & he comphends the depth of the misery I live in. He held back from talking and didn’t want to say anything stupid of why I shouldn’t for his own selfish reasons. I know because he said so.
I am just in my planning stages now so I can be as responsible as I can to make sure there’s very little left of my crap left behind for anyone to have to deal with. Since I am extremely poor I asked him will they actually take all of my body to science if I leave it and use whatever organs for those who need them. He said yes & he would know. I don’t have the finacial means to have myself disposed of nor wish that left to someone else to try & figure what to do.
My hope is I don’t get an extreme mental suicidal mind bender before mid summer so I can be as compasionate as possble to the very very very few who this will effect.
We hugged each other hard tearfully for awhile before he left. I really don’t want to hurt him & he knows it. I just can’t live like this anymore
Life really does suck
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He did call me an asshole thought after I asked him if he wanted my TV, lol
When you told him everything and that you were gonna kill yourself were you worried that he’d freak out and wanna have you commited? Did he try and talk you outta it or suggest for you to get help?
he already knows everything from the past 19 years more than any other human. He is my closests & dearest friend and has personally seen what I must endure on a daily basis & told me a few years ago he couldn’t do it. All I’ll say he’s a professional and of utmost character and he’s the main reason I am still here today. I can’t be anymore specific than this for his protection.
Oh okay thats cool. I was just wondering.
DazedRay,
your problem of deprived of sleep is like a car switched off but still choking on to run.
Your help by doctors in the hospital is just their immaculate recording of your duration of time of that choking and that effects might bring. But it’s not cure.
Cure is to pinpoint the cause of the problem and fix it, not just confirming that it’s really a problem.
You’ve tried everything ? I don’t think so.
I’m glad you have a loyal friend that long, it’s really a privilege that many others are without.
And I worry that your main obstacle is your poor financial status of preventing you going out to get actual help from the ‘real’ doctors.
First, there is a puzzle I don’t quite understand. You seem to be a guy who is deprived of sleep, supposed to be agitated and jumpy in nature, as if an overrun engine choking on its rich mixture of fuel, however you are so soft like a woman and so composed in your words, are you gay ? And if you are a woman or gay or just a man, there is still something certainly out of the blue.
Undoubtedly your compassion and serenity did draw me into response.
You make me laugh today fireflies. Due to your keen awareness.
((And if you are a woman or gay or just a man, there is still something certainly out of the blue.))
It may surprise you I am actually all of the above as confusing as it may sound. I am nowhere near just a man.
Your perceptiveness has peeked my interests to chat more personally with you on a more private venue if you so desire.
if you add 52@yahoo.com to my username above I can be emailed there.
My friend will be coming by this afternoon with hopedully is my new power supply that will get my good pc running cause this 1 is crap.
My wish is you can contact me, which is up to you.
DazedRay,
there’s always reason behind things.
Just don’t be that easily startled into disbelief.
The world is unfathomable to you and to many others, but not to me.
I had scared all email-contactors away while I revealed things too much that they couldn’t bear to believe, their forfeiting the chance to see far to be better, I couldn’t help it but shy myself away from email contacting.
If you still want to contact me, it’s perfectly alright, just please understand my predicament.
Want to give, only if you are into it.
btw, your pc power supply failed, it did mean something beyond material sense.
So do you get it ? Your wanting to die !
Fireflies, you are the 1st person here I have rquested to contact because of you perceptiveness & why I won’t discuss here for the very same eason you spoke of yourself, it’s to unbelievable & fearful to most to even try & grasp. it’s some really deep and heavy stuff, that doctors can’t even grasp, But one, who have known 19 years & is my best friend. I won’t risk jepordizing his position & discuss that here.
Yes we got my power supply back in today fortunately,
who knows you might even be an equation to my saving grace so to speak. One never knows and you are 1 of a very few people I have ever reached out to in sincerity other than my friend. So I do hope you contact me. Believe me there’s nothing you could say that would scare me from what I have actually experienced in this life at the age of 52
DazedRay,
to explain to you further in case you misunderstand my intention.
If you are in front of me, I don’t think it’s hard for me to treat your insomnia.
(e.g. in western medical terms, if you have menopause condition, yes, I know you are as well a man, and that menopause may disrupt your hormones, because of your mix and match body, instead of stop outputting estrogens, it increases female hormone estrogen, then you’d be at maze. It’s just a presumption in order to control the hormones. For real effective medical diagnosis, none of this presumption needed, but only concentrating on which body systems are unbalanced, high or low)
The real trouble is I’m not rich enough to buy you a plane ticket.
Trust is only the next problem.
http://suicideproject.org/2010/03/the-secrets-behind-suicide-and-the-ultimate-cure/#comment-40911
Whatever, remember that a replaced power cord can mean a new source of power to life.
DazedRay,
read my comment in the member’s zone.
It’s being under moderation because of a link included.
There you’ll see my email address.