It’s the question I always end up asking myself when I’m feeling this way: What would it take – what would you have to have, what would have to happen, what about you or your life would have to change – to make you want to be present in your life again, at least to the extent that you wouldn’t think about checking out? I’m not talking something grand and glorious (winning the lottery, discovering your “true purpose in life,” finding your soulmate, etc.), or what you would need to make you truly happy forever and ever, but rather the minimum thing it would take to make you feel like life was tolerable in the present and that there was some bit of hope for the future.
When I think about it, it seems like it would take so little for me, which only makes me feel more frustrated and hopeless that such seemingly attainable things have eluded my best efforts for the better part of a decade, and increasingly so in the past few years. Still, I’m curious to hear how you all would answer this question – please comment, I’ll read with interest.
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Hm, my one thing? I suppose it would be someone whom I felt compelled to share things with, to say, “Look at what I’ve made!” To have them take an honest interest in the things I do, because I’m already proud of myself. I do not need anyone’s encouragement. However, it has become hollow only creating for myself. I can lay in bed and dream a million things, but it does not seem necessary to remain here if all I do is remain in a solitary world. I need a link to this world to make me consider staying.
For my parents to care more about me than my choices.
My mind is set.
To be able to feel joy….
When I am deeply depressed, nothing gives me joy, not even the things I used to enjoy, not even being with good friends. The only thing that paradoxically gives me joy is to fantasise about suicide, which in the long run only makes me more depressed.
To be able to feel peace….
that’s a bit easier. There has been soooo much stress and turmoil in my life! But at the moment I have moved out of home because of my soon-to-be-ex-husband, and I am with really good friends, and their place is so peaceful it is seeping into my soul, so I am starting to feel a bit better. Eventually I hope that I also will be able to feel joy again. At the moment I am hopeful.
I have to say that when I feel like life is hopeless I look for a movie or a story on the Internet about someone who has been through rough times like mine and made it through. Of course the stories must be true stories fictional stories do not have quite the same appeal.