Another Fitful Sleep

Hey FTS, you said it brilliantly in an earlier post. The ladder is a long, long climb. You may slip & fall a few times. You may even get confused & climb in the wrong direction. I’ve been thinking about that analogy every day since you said it.

It sounds like you need to rest your limbs a while. Take a break from struggling and just enjoy the view. Then tomorrow you can get back to climbing?

Today is that sort of day for me. I’m just content to be numb, not thinking of the past, the future, or which way is up or down. I advise heavy doses of sleep & cat-purring. Take a vacation from life for a day & jump back into the battle first thing in the morning.

On a total OT tangent, I just realized how friggin cool I would feel if you become a world famous poet. Weekends at your villa on the Riviera. I have no doubt that it could happen if the stars line up right. If anyone has a chance of clawing out of hell (and taking some of us with you), I’d say that person is you.

Anyway, back to the poem… fitful sleeps are my specialty of late. Demons wake me up at all hours of the night to remind me I’m in hell. Let’s kick some demon ass. Deal?

That’s the spirit. I would reload my weapon too, but I don’t have any bullets & some joker took the firing pin out 😉

Yeah, realistically there is no such thing as a vacation from life. Just delaying it. But you’ve heard of the business term of reaching “the point of diminishing returns”? That’s not a good situation either, when you’re pouring all your resources in to a problem and not getting anywhere.

Maybe the solution is alcohol therapy. I admit it helps sometimes. Just stay away from doing shots, man. Go for the frilly fruity drinks with umbrellas in them. (You think I’m joking, but as we speak I have a pina colada in my hand!)

Also, you never know about the word-famous-poet thing! A few years ago on a suicide bulletin board there was a guy who posted his day-to-day thoughts & experiences with suicide. Someone from a publishing company found it and was desperately trying to get in touch with the guy. Unfortunately the author never came back… his last post was about him getting in his car with a gun in the passenger seat. And with nobody to sign off the rights to his material, the publisher had to walk away.

Another interesting example is the original singer for INXS. Long before he ever sang a note, he filled a few journals with his poetry. Eventually he found a band & got world famous. (Uh, just ignore the part about him hanging himself in a hotel room in Australia…)

Between you & me & the privileged few who have read your poetry here, your words are tons better than anything INXS ever did.

About the demons… yeah they can be nasty little buggers. But don’t let em getcha without a fight. They may tear me to shreds but I’m takin a few of them down with me!

Haha, naw man. Keep it. I’m a lousy shot anyway.

I gotta get some of that Raki stuff. Different alcohols have very different effects on me. Beer makes me irritable (unless I’m with friends). Whiskey just gives me a headache and makes me pass out. Red wine is ok. And rum seems to do the trick, especially when mixed with fruit juice.

The problem is any time you drink alone you’re asking for trouble. So I’ve been trying to take it easy.

And ALL alcohols usually make my think stupid useless thoughts. Hence my dumb pseudo-philosophical rants today. Thanks for indulging me!