I’ve never tried to kill myself. I’ve contemplated it for years though.. for 5 long years and, I think I’m ready. There’s nothing really left for me here.
The one person I thought I could trust informed me a while back that he’s been using me for sex and finally found a girlfriend. Lovely. What upsets me most about it is that I told him a few years back that I was sexually abused from the time I was 5 til about 10. He acted like he cared, even told me that he loved me. Until him, I thought that no one could ever love me because I was damaged. It disgusts me thinking about how well he played me. He told me he cared and loved me then he USED me for the one thing that I though he never would
I’m in college and when he told me, I lost it. I couldn’t focus in my classes. I failed one of them. Now, I have lost my funding for school and I have nothing left. School was what kept me going, not friends. I don’t have many of those. So there’s no one left who cares. I don’t blame them. I wouldn’t either.
All that’s left is deciding on how to go. I have no access to firearms now the money to get one. I have an unopened bottle of over-the-counter sleep aids. 80 glorious pills. I have rope. Lots and lots but no idea as to how or where to hang myself. I could borrow my mom’s car that she never drives and run it into the river. I don’t know.  Being indecisive really is a pain. If anyone wants to talk email me. yourdarkestwish@gmail.com
2 comments
Silly you wanna kill yourself over a bastard
I wanted to kill myself before the bastard. He’s the reason that I haven’t tried sooner.