if you have time to read this, please do. and please comment if you want, thanks.
being a teen and all, of course, there’s this guy that I’m so deeply in love with, he knows that but doesn’t love me anymore. we talked, literally about everything, not gonna go into details, though. he unlocked my heart, and for a few months he took great, no, PERFECT care of it. Then that day came when he said us being together is a mistake. he lacerated, burned, broke, abused, and ripped my heart out. I still love him, because I am nothing without him. He has moved on, leaving me behind in this suicidal box of mine. now I’m afraid to love someone again because of what might happen, again. Love hurts so badly, I wish I could move on like he did. I don’t mean to offend anyone, but there are a lot of guys that are so independent, and most girls are dependent on the guys, or their boyfriends, or whatever. Girls NEED their boyfriends, but the guys don’t need their girlfriends as much. and I know there are guys that get hurt just as much as girls do, but its just a fact that a lot of guys are stronger, physically and emotionally, than girls are. and I know there’s also a lot of guys that hide their feelings very well. I wish I was independent, but I’m not. I need someone to live, someone to hold me and love me, and actually mean it. but for now I’m desolate and morose, with no one by my side, no one to comfort me. I still want to slit my wrist, I’m trying so hard to resist it. every day I drown in my own sorrow, waiting for something good to come, but it always gets worse. I have loving family (well, for the most part) all around me, but I’m so empty and suicidal. my parents would be so pissed off if they found out about my ‘problems’, so to speak. I’m always thinking of ways I could commit suicide, I tried overdosing in pills once, but I just ended up vomiting them, that was a terrible experience. maybe I should take more next time, or I could cut my arm trying to bleed out, I heard cutting your arm vertically helps the blood come out faster, then putting it in water. well, thank you for reading this if you got this far, I know it was really long and boring.
27 comments
I read it all
thanks, I’m glad someone did
Anytime that’s what I here for
so what do you feel like most of the time? I’m always depressed and alone, but thats just me
Lonely a lot. It’s my biggest problem. Even if I’m around people i feel alone.
yeah same here, I actually have no friends around me for the time being, but since that guy burned my heart, I’ve been more depressed and lonely every day, I hardly ever talk or eat anymore. I’m probably gonna have an eating disorder in the future soon.
How old are you if you don’t mind me asking
the answer is.Girls are a lot more emotionally mature than boys especially at your age.I’m guessing 15-17? most teen boys = twats.Believe me,you will get a nice caring one that comes along one day
I dont mind saying that I’m a 16yr old girl, because I’m not the only 16 year old girl in this planet
If you are one of the lucky 30% of people that find love that lasts then you will be OK. If you are one of the 70% that will not be so lucky you have 2 options:
Option 1: Compromise and just have a partnership
Option 2: Dream about a lover that you really want and create a bond with him hoping to meet him in the afterlife.
Statistics speak for themselves, 50% divorce rate, of the 50% that don’t divorce at least 20% are deeply unhappy.
Life sucks
I’m 16 too almost 17
This guy is a twat if you don’t mind me saying. He acts all lovey-dovey, then abuses you by just dumping you, never thinking about what you felt. This is why there so a rising number of feminists in the world, because of people like him.
Do you still love him, deep inside? Or do you just want somebody to be there for you and care for you? I’ve never been in love so I don’t know how it would feel.
Hope you get better, and don’t cut yourself just because of him. Be strong, and stay safe. A broken heart takes a while to heal. Try not to feel depressed and surround yourself with friends. When you something reminds you of him, try shaking it off and think of something else. It might be hard, but try. <3
well, where I’m living right now, I can’t surround myself with friends, so that leaves me with loneliness, and I never really thought of loving him or wanting someone to care for me, I guess its both.
But now that you mention it, I think I just want somebody to be here for me and care for me, but I’ still in love with him, he said we cant be together since we’re going to separate colleges, just the thought of him being with someone else kills me, I’ve tried to get rid of that thought, but he always finds a way back in my head, his love gave me hope, now it might kill me someday. and thanks for encouraging me
@someonesaveme i’m in a similar situation
I hate it, I really want to see my friends but I can’t, and what’s your situation?
Hello dear girl,
As every post that I answer to, I truly bring it to the depth of my heart and I answer feeling the pain that you are feeling now, both because that has been part of my past before and because I get it transferred to me when I read it.
What you write is immensely beautiful, pure and tender and describes a soft heart and lovely soul.
Because of those characteristics of yours, it is necessary a special profile of a man or young man. The kind of cruelty that this individual has shown to you denotes that he is completely unsensitive, un-intelligent to cause a girl a pain like that. This does not mean at all that men are stronger than women, (I am a man myself) it means that there are careless men but I can assure you, there are very sensitive and loving men too. 2 of my friends are like that and they would have never made you feel like sad.
What you write you feel about him is not love. It is necessity and you idealize a picture but experience it in its deepest intensity leading you to truly believe that he is so essential for you.
So, now the important step is not yet that you undo your pain now and dont suffer as that is impossible so soon, but you start by knowing that this pain is the consequence of an unreal representation of things in your mind, due to your youth. Of course, the fact that you are young does not mean that your pain is unimportant, it is as real as life itself, but you need to start suspecting that there is something better elsewhere.
If I had a daughter I would prevent her from getting too carried away in love affairs at an early age, precisely for this kind of things. Most male kids are inmature and cant even realise the pain their carelessness causes in the other person.
Therefore, I would like to ask you that you give a kiss to yourself in the mriror and smile because of the valuable assets you have in you. Dont be afraid if you still think of him now and again and that makes you feel bad. That belongs to the process of getting rid of that pain. Do try however your best to go around walk around be active and not sit down to mourn at home.
I am certain it is possible and I know that you are in pain, but that pain will go through different stages, evolving on the background to different feelings until you are back again fine.
Write to me or us or anybody you want because we know quite a lot about it. Have my best hug of the day for you.
O
wow, just after reading what you wrote, I feel so much better. I still feel the same way I did before, but it’s like you lifted a small burden off my back, and that means a lot to me. I wish I could meet you in person, and I know there are loving caring guys out there, the way you talk sounds like you’re an amazing person.
also, I love my sister, but she hates me. she doesn’t realize how much we have in common, and when I don’t give her what she wants she gets really mad at me, then we start to yell at each other and I feel like a monster again, and I feel like its just another reason to die:(
thank you soo much for saying what you said, it helps me a lot
Dont worry for this. It will also improve. The relationships amongst brothers or sisters are sometimes conflictive, particularly, again at young ages. In those ages, sensitivity is already developed to suffer but undertstanding of the other persons feelings and one’s feelings are not yet. This is a delicate combination because this means that one can be unwittingly cruel because of not realizing what she is doing, as in the case of your sister. Added to this is the circumstance that you are already suffering from another event which makes you even more vulnerable. The important thing then in this case is that you know she is not being evil just because she is like that, it is because her understanding towards you has to be educated soon or else, she will learn it on her own in the coming years, one way or the other.
The ideas crossing the mind about cutting or suicidal thoughts dont necessarily mean that the person is going to do it. It is sometimes a natural reaction we ressort to, so dont be in the belief that you are a candidate to it. On the one hand, because you are a winning case, with all the beauty that is in you and on the other because you would tear me to pieces. Every cut that you did to yourself would bleed in me somehow too, so you have two powerful reasons not to consider negative thoughts.
Even in the distance I am going to be here and I am not going to let that you hurt yourself. Strong hug.
I really really appreciate that, thats the most encouraging thing anyone’s ever said to me, but I don’t even know you, I wish I did though, you seem really concerned even though you dont know me, and I’m still vulnerable to suicide, I’ve tried a couple times to commit suicide, it didn’t work sadly, its so hard living when no one is here for me, no one who cares about my pain, I stopped carving my arm, it’s really hard but so far I’ve resisted.
most of the time I’m so exhausted, I just want to sleep because its the only alternative to dying, its so painful to think about, but I can’t help it.:(
I wish we could talk face to face, you’re advice and encouragement really helps
the thoughts are coming back to me again, they keep haunting me. I can’t get them out of my head, he won’t remember me, he never loved me or cared about me. aah they won’t get out!:(
I’m gonna go insane, or have another anxiety attack or mental breakdown, I need my knife, I need to cut my wrist, I want to die, this is hurting sooo badly.! I don’t want to live anymore. 🙁
Hello,
I still dont know your name, so I could only write “hello” and not follow it by name.
As I anticipated it is normal that the memory of the person comes and goes. Sometimes you feel well and then as you remember him one starts to chew on it until it gets upsetting and the whole world seems to break down. Then it takes a positive input or a cheerful event to turn the person back to normal mode. You need to remember that in order for you to know that it is part of the process. I have experienced that exactly, exactly as you describe it, for other reasons, but the same symptoms.
Yes, I truly care. One would not need to know the person in real life in order for that to be so. I think, it is a natural thing in humans, to care for others, specially if they are vulnerable.
You write you have loving parents, but you feel that they would be annoyed at learning about your problems. I think we could consider sharing this situation of yours with them, it is not whether it is the boyfriend or anything else, it is how it affects you, this is what they will really care, how you feel, not the reasons why you feel like that.
As per the anxiety attacks, one would not have to leave all the effort to the body, it is perfectly treatable, I tell you that as a pharmacist and as I experienced it myself that it works. Therefore I would propose to tackle the issue on multiple fronts. You can count on me for chatting, even if you want through my email if you feel it is difficult for you to share in public, but also, the sharing with your parents should be a thing that you should do. If it is difficult for you to talk about, just print out the posting you wrote and hand it to them or to mum or to dad, whomever you feel better at ease to talk about it. Once you have done that, tell your parents that you would like help in preventing anxiety attacks. This is something that works wonderfully believe me. You should relate the issue in full, so that they get to know everything. I mean how badly you felt, your suicide attempt etc. This is for them not to miss any important knowledge.
The reason I include the parents is fundamentally because they are the ones close to you and physically can walk with you or visit the GP. Otherwise I would do it myself. Visit a GP is not something to be worried about because it is a temporary event and you get the help you need for that period of time until back to normality. Also, if the GP prescribes tablets to prevent anxiety attacks, they should know that you have felt so down that even wanted to hurt yourself, they need to know that so that they do it the right way.
You are an absolutely normal person reacting to a sad event, and because of your young age and the sensitivity of a female, that makes it more delicate, so that is why the help on multiple fronts as proposed is the ideal thing. Even taking strolls around town helps, rather than sitting in the room.
Let me know whether you have shared it with your parents, and we can take it from there. My strong hug to you.
hey, you can call me Nikki, and thank you, I’m glad someone cares. I told my sister about cutting my wrist, she didn’t care. my parents know I tried to overdose in pills, mom was really angry and dad wasn’t to worried about it. and since I’m a Christian, I can’t tell my dad because he would be furious at me(we’re all Christians, but I’m struggling most right now), he would punish me so hard. if I told mom, she would just tell dad. my dad knows a little bit that I’m depressed and have anxiety disorder, he wants me to take these antidepressants, but I don’t want to take them because when I’m happy, I get hyper, and people start telling me to take a chill pill or calm down, and to me that’s the worst thing someone can say, I had terrible experiences with that as a preteen. and is that ok if we talk through email?
Hi Nikki, well here it goes, spain2003@yandex.ru (hopefully nobody else will use it, because everybody can see it here. I hope they respect it).
email me to: spain2003 ‘at’ yandex dot ru
This is how i was few days…i was dieing n all that crap cuz of love..one thing i’ve learnt by loving a guy is…nvr let a guy walk all over you…nvr cry over a guy…but thats what we girls do…we cry n we’re the one in pain…sime guys are retards…i cried and cried and cried when me n ma ex were done…and when ran out of tears…i cut…cuz when i cut i feel a bit better…ma college is nearly over and i aint going uni so idk what im gonna do for the next yr…i kno i aint a strong person…when ma last relationship ended i was gonna commite suicide but then i met a nice fella…but he turned out to be a retard…and now i feel the same…i might not be here for ma 18th bday i think..which is on the 6th..=] i kno i aint gonna surive this life…if i was meant to be happy n all i would be but i aint….i call maself an unlucky person…nuttin in ma life has ever gone right…so yh…you can run all you want from love..but it’s always gonna get you wherever you are…
nice to see name I recognise kottonkandiikid.I don’t feel as lonely now.keep hanging in their
yeah, his love might kill me someday. but that’s okay, I wont be in anymore pain, no more endless crying and cutting and stuff like that.
I am so isolated from all my friends, it hurts so bad.
and happy early birthday!:)
I don’t want to run from love, I want to embrace it, and someone to embrace me too, if that ever happens before I commit suicide..
and maybe you’re not happy right now because something is better to come in the future that’ll make you much happier.
I know I’ll never be happy. I mean like, I know there’ll be moments that I’m just filled with elation, but those will just be moments, even if I get married someday, I will be depressed, because thats just who I am.:(