I’m 20 with a 3yr old son. I love my boy more than life. But recently, I realized, I can’t feel anymore. The only thing I feel is that I’m waiting. Waiting for my mind to realize what my body has already decided… Suicide. I feel like I’ve been waiting ever since I was raped  when I was 12. That ruined me. I can’t afford a therapist or anything like that, so, I’m trying to find help on my own. Today and tomorrow, I will try. And no, what happened when I was 12 isn’t the only thing. I’m just tired of explaining it all. But that’s when it started. And truthfully? The more I think about dying, the better I feel. I really want to die, and I don’t think any of you can give me a reason to stay. And before you say my son, don’t. He has my parents, my ex and hie girlfriend, my ex’s parents and others. He would be fine without me. My parents have been making that clear lately… That they are better parents then me.. I don’t have a job, so that must mean I’m a bad mother right? That I can’t provide for my son? But I don’t see it that way. I take care of him, I feed him, I bathe him and I clothe him, and I don’t pay for any of those things. He has a roof over his head. I take care of him. But they think they can do it better. I’m willing to let them. I’m just so tired. I just want it all to be over.
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5 comments
First off, I know what it’s like to be raped at such a young age..
I know alot of thing’s that, Really hurt me..
Second off, You may think and say your son is better off without you but Really he’s not..He need’s you more than anything..You guy’s share a special bond.. You can only be as good as a mother as you let your self be..
My mom devoted her life to drug’s and alcohol..She was never really there for me..She died when I was 7..I still hate her for never being there, But, Truth is, I need her alot..Because I share that special bond with her..Knowing she was trapped in a hell hole.. I understand your pain,Even if I am only 14..I’m sorry if You feel the way you do, And It is your choice if you kill yourself..Just please, Think about your son..
I do think about him. Just today, after feeling nothing but a sad ache, I felt love for my son again. He had an upset stomach and puked on the floor. All I could do was hold him and promise him everything was going to be okay. I thought about how would he feel if that was the last time I held him… How alone he would be. I started looking at how often he comes to me, depends on me. I know that even if my parents can take care of him, they will never take my place in his eyes. I believe I need professional help now… I’m going to try to find a therapist or whatever to help me. Thank you. I hope you feel better too.
Your welcome, & I hope your son feel’s better(: Glad I could help(:
Your son would not be fine without you believe me! Your parents are just lying to you. Please don’t let your son down.
Oh andd by the way, sorry you were raped. That’s no good, it’d be hard to want to live in those circumstances. I know there’s a lot more involved than that though… Just know your son needs you no matter what.